And so it goes....

Life has settled into
a crazy
but doable pace.
School takes
so much of my time...

but, I have started running
again,
and have found time
to do some knitting...
and have
managed to keep
the house
suitably
clean...
and wear
clean clothes once
in a while!

recently,
someone said
"these are the best years
of your life"..
I jokingly responded;
"thats what I am afraid of"..
but sometimes
I am!

Sometimes
I wonder,
if in the craziness
of being a single mom..
and going back to school..
and working full time;
if I am missing out
on 'just' enjoying years
that I will never get
back!

The truth -
maybe I am!
But, its all I have!

I can put off school
and never climb out
of this financial hole-
never be able to help
my kids with college,ect..
I could slow it down..
and spend the rest of their
years at home
ALWAYS
working towards the goal,
never getting there!
Or I can do what I can,
when I can,
Taking on more then is easy
and less than is impossible.

its not ideal!
But, as moms we do
what we have to do!
and what I know
is that my time with the kids
is still protected!
I create the memories,
and carve out the time..
I go to their games,
and listen to their stories
about their day.
I kiss them good night,
and make a point
of family time...

Its all I have...
Its what I do..
It is my life!
and each moment
counts for something...
each moment is a memory
made
and a lesson learned..

and each moment
brings me closer
to creating a stronger future.

It might really be about time...

not 'about time'...
as in time that I do it..
but 'about time'
as in the reason I should not!

I dabble in the idea
of a date or 2..
I have browsed
the free sites,
and responded to
an email here and there...
but,
when all is said
and done,
this may not be the season!

Life feels nuts!!
Every free moment
I have; is spent doing
college homework.
My kids remain
my priority-
And I protect my time
with them.
But, its bigger
then time;
its pressure!!
I find myself
snapping
and feeling stressed.
I see that I am
overwhelmed
and it manifests
itself
in irritation.

And so,
maybe..
I have all I can handle.
Maybe I cannot
take the chance
at trying to balance more.
Or maybe
I am over thinking...
and life will just work
itself out!

Regardless...
seeking
would be the wrong word
to describe me.
Open..maybe.
Tired and overwhelmed;
most certainly!!..
adjusting..absolutely!

This season of my life
shall last a while..
I hope that I adjust
and find
that I can balance
without compromise..
because if I do not
find that I can..
my children shall
be out of the house-
before I ever date
again!!;-)

The cycles of contentment....

2 years ago
I had to learn to be
content.

It took at least a year!

And then I found it..
that ability
to be content,
alone!

Then I dated.
It was a short
but nice relationship,
that reminded me
what companionship
felt like!

When it ended,
I realized that I had
to once again,
seek out my contentment!
It has taken
a little while..
not a year,
closer to a month..
but, I think I have found
it again!

For me contentment,
is in the small things!
Its a fire in the fireplace!
Its the kids playing wiii
in the room
I am doing homework in..
its a nap on the couch;
with the kids,
or cats,
or both....
Its knitting something
small
that makes my girls
smile..
Its in my life!
It is busy!
I have way to much on my plate!

And it is all mine!

And when I once
again,
remember
that being alone
is not an affliction,
it is instead a state of being!
And in this particular state
of being,
contentment is found
within..
And in this place
in this moment...
contentment is mine!