Dating 101

I tend to be an all or nothing
person..
I am working on balance..
but,
it does not come easily!

The last small stretch
of dating
held many clues!

One of the biggest
is that from the beginning-
I chose not to date others
and focus on the place I was.
Even though
it was not 'committed'..
and he preferred no expectations.

The result:
me doing a lot of waiting..
and wondering..
and not feeling
so great about the whole thing!

So,
my lesson..
was to be careful
about realistic expectations...
and to keep myself 'living'
while waiting to see what shall happen!

so now-
I have 'dived' into dating..
and have been asked out
on 3 dates
next week..
all or nothing-
that's me!

I have learned that I do
not know..
what I do not know!
Its hard to judge normal-
when you do not have a measure!

I have never dated much..
I want to try it a bit..
see what I like-
see what works
and what does not..

And if in the process..
even right away-
I meet the man
that treats me well..
That Likes me for me...
and wants to take it to the next step,
and I feel the same;
I am perfectly willing
to miss out on all the 'dating'..
but, if not..
I shall embrace the process
and take the lessons..

good and bad!

walking Away

So..
I have been dating
for a short while!
It has been a process...
and one I learned lessons from!

But, it has also been hard-
in moments too hard!

To much baggage
between us maybe?

Or just not a fit?

or just not the right timing?

who knows!

I know that I was not feeling
as I should..
I felt on edge
and in moments 'unseen'..
my expectations-
maybe too high?
but, maybe not high enough.

What I know is that
I want it to feel different..
I want to feel more valued
even in the beginning!

And so I walked away..
I redefined the perimeters...
and my own guidelines..
I left the ending
open ended..
but the expectations are clear!

I move on..
I do what I should have done
all along..
I see other people-
I date without the preset notions..
and I see what I want
and who I am meant to be with!!

above all,
I take back myself..
my power
and strength..
and I live this aspect of my life-
on the terms that count:
mine!

all in the same boat...

Seems the more I blog
about the perils
of dating...
the more I see
that many of us
single parents/people
are in the same boat...

And it seems
many of us
would happily
JUMP ship!

I find dating
a roller coaster..
in truth..
I would say
I find 'early' dating
that way!
Not sure how I will find
a dating commitment.

But, this??
the moments of expression..
followed by moments of confusion.
The inability
to really know what
someone else is thinking..
and the newness
which makes it a bad idea
to ask...

The moments you think you know..
followed by the moments
you are sure you do not!

I know it will not always be like this-
but, for now..
the moments when I 'know'
are NOT enough to carry me
through the moments
I 'do not'...

And so many moments
I find myself thinking
the worst..
only to see that I am
wrong...
but, the next time..
I will probably do
the same thing!

Enjoy the process...
yup!
Sure!
OK!
I am trying!
I am doing 'my' thing..
And spending moments
together..
and in truth things
are going OK..
its just there are moments
when I cannot remember
if its OK or not!

and over and over and over
I think-
is this worth it??
this unsureness...
this insecurity...
this knowing
that the outcome is..
unknown!
is it worth this?
and really...
I do not know!

But, when I do..
I am sure
I will blog about it!!:)