a place to process

I think I need to start
carrying a journal with me..
writing is what gets my heart expressed..
writing takes all the feelings
and sorts them out!
and sometimes as I am sitting
thinking
I need to get the thoughts out of my head..
and yet,
I have nowhere to put them!

And so,
I shall get a small journal,
and carry a pen..
and write!

Life is fine..
good..
complicated..
confusing...
unsure..
happy..
content...
unstable...
amazing!
Life..
is
Life!

And sometimes life
takes words
to sort it all out!

Unexpected clarity!

The most bizarre and amazing thing
happened to me
Saturday night!

I was meant to have a date...
it did not work out!
I went to my quirky coffee shop..
alone!
something I do a lot!

rarely do I see others alone...
its a cute little place-
live music
nice menu
wine or coffee...
I always drink coffee..
or water.

As I sat alone-
I saw a man come in on his own.
I noticed!
He was young, handsome..
and its Saturday night!
I could not help but wonder..
why would he choose here?
and yes..I KNOW that I choose here!
but, I am quirky!

He sat for a while,
ate,
drank water..
we made eye contact a few times..
but he was far away.
I read my book..pouted(over missed date)..ate!

He left..
I left later.
I went down stairs
and he sat outside the restaurant on a bench..
he started chatting to me..
we stopped chatting 4 1/2 hours later!

Turns out..
he spends his time alone
the way I do..
wondering the streets of the quaint little town..
away from the bars and the bustle..

now..
he is younger than I am.
Enough to make him think..
Maybe or Maybe not;
enough to change it all?
we shall see...
not so much for me..
but, maybe for him?
guess time will tell!

So..for now..
I have met a wonderful new friend!
One I will see again.

In the mean time..
I realized..
that easy connection?
that fluke meeting?
that kindred moment?
its out there...
and worth waiting for..
no matter the end result!

reflecting....

Someone important to me
asked me some questions...

the goal was to get me to think
about what I wanted
and what my future would look like-

The main question:
where do I want to be in 5 years..

The answer;
right where I am now.

5 years from now,
I want to be in the same town.
Possibly the same home.
I would like to be at the same job..
and will have 2 children still in school.
I want to be near my parents..
and near my children's father.
I would like my life to look
not too different from now..
with less college
(I hope to be done)
maybe a touch more money..
(then again with my oldest in college..maybe a touch less)
and maybe, just maybe...
someone to share the moments with!

The idea-
when I meet someone
I need to know what to measure
to find out:
if they fit with 'me'
and my goals...

The conclusion-
many things matter!
but, someone
content
to live in a small town..
happy with the status quot..
family centered..
and grounded in the reality
that parenthood brings..
tops my list!

Its one question so far-
but, a big one!