Crying Uncle...

So I often try and do it all...

I get the kids to help..
but make lots of room
for their busy schedules too!
I spend time with them..
I listen to their stories..
I referee their arguments...
I pack their lunches..
I keep in touch with teachers...
I monitor their homework-
I taxi them to events..
and arrange play dates
and sleep overs...
as most parents do!

I give my all at work..
and love what I do!

I also go to college..
trying to give them more
one day
than I currently
can now.

and sometimes-
its too much!
sometimes-
I feel like I am drowning!
sometimes-
I wonder if I will ever catch my breath!
sometimes-
I cry uncle!

Today..
I cry uncle..
reassessing what I must do..
and what I must not!
looking for ways
to alleviate the pressure..
but , also knowing-
that today
I cry Uncle!
but;

tomorrow-
I will be OK!
tomorrow-
I will regain perspective!
tomorrow-
I will embrace the business!
tomorrow-
I will breathe deeply!

Today-
I will remember
that Tomorrow is still to come!

Milestones and memories

My son starts High school tomorrow.

In truth-
he has already been
doing high school classes,
he knows all the teachers,
and continues at the same school.

So its more the idea
than the circumstances.

but the idea..
is pretty significant!

I remember so well
my first day of high school.
I know well
what is to come.
and I understand
that in a few short years
his future
shall begin..
and my present shall forever change!

I am proud of the young man he is..
blessed to share these moments.

I am also alone
in this milestone!
His father and I,
while amicable and friends;
will not stay up tonight
talking about the way life is flying by..
we will not share our memories
of other first days..
we will not laugh over
how fast he has grown.
or cry a little when we think
of toddler moments so long gone..
In truth-
if we were married
we may not have done that either!

Its funny how we change
the perceptions
of what would be,
when we no longer remember
what was.

regardless....
tomorrow-
my life takes on a new season.
my heart will hurt a little.
I will kiss my son,
knowing I am kissing a young man..
no longer a boy.
I will begin the process
of letting him grow..
and face the prospect
of navigating this new road
on my own...

A new journey for us both...
A season of growth and maturity
for mother AND for son.

pandora's box...

The thing
with being alone..
it seems,
is that I am OK
alone;
until I am not alone!

so when I was
solidly single
I was content alone.
Then I started
to date-
and now,
while I can be alone,
sometimes I feel sad by myself!

I do not know
what the future looks like-
or even what tomorrow holds.

But, I know
that I have started to hope
for a presence..
hope for a person..
hope for a resolution..
and hope for security!

Not enough
to sell my soul...
not enough
to compromise who I am...
but, enough
to hurt my heart a bit.
enough to 'feel'-

It seems I opened
pandora's box
when I dropped my walls...
now all I can do
is wait
and see...
not an easy place to be!