importance of learning who you are...

Time alone after a divorce is VITAL!
I can say this NOT because I am so smart
and insightful..
but because I did it all wrong the first go round!

The time alone..takes time...!
meaning;
When the divorce first happens
you are alone...
but you do not want to be there!
You do not want to be alone,
and the loneliness is consuming!
Then you reach a place
when you are still alone
but long for company!
You are not just lonely,
you are needy!
You wish you had someone
to love you and hold you..
you wish that you were not doing
all the things you are doing
alone...
so your alone time
is not peaceful..
it is sad and resentful...
then you reach a place
when you are alone..
and you are glad you are alone!
When you are alone,
you may miss people..
or even a loved one..
you may feel lonely at times,
BUT you enjoy the time you have!
you look for things to do ALONE..
you think..
you learn..
you grow...
THIS is when you heal!
When you have been alone long enough
to stop wishing you were not alone..
and instead accept and embrace the reality of what being alone is!
However, you cannot get here without going through
all the other steps!
and if you jump ship during one of the stages..
and find someone to fill the void
during the lonely times,
you will never reach the place of healing,
that allows you to
with an open heart
mind and soul
accept that maybe you are ready
to allow someone back in...
and maybe you are not!
But, either way
you will never again
want to NOT have time alone...
its a wonderful thing!

hard lesson...BITE your tongue!!

I have lived by the rule..
in my home
since divorce..
that words should be chosen carefully,
especially about my ex!
I have chosen not to put him down to the kids...
and even go as far as to tell them stories
about his childhood or our dating days...
I want them to know the man I knew...
in spite of my broken heart!
In addition, I have tried to be careful to watch my words
about the woman in his life!
The one he loves now..
but loved too soon..
before he was free to love her...
while he should have been loving me!
Sometimes, I slip!
In truth I am 'justified!' based on the baggage!
BUT in reality
it is my children who pay the price!
I did not realize how 'loose' with my tongue I had been..
until in front of my ex husbands live in love-
my children shared things I had said..
that were not flattering nor very nice!
While I contemplated crawling in a hole
or pinching my kids ( LOL)...
I learnt a BIG lesson!
No matter how much time passes...
no matter how much hurt there remains...
NO matter how wrong the injustice..
words are powerful
and they will come back to haunt you..
if you do not take the time to think
before speaking!
ESPECIALLY in front of your children!
Lesson lived, noted and learnt! !!!!!

learning to ask

Ok..so now I am here!
I live this life
and I am doing my best to do it well!
Sometimes I pass and sometimes I fail!
BUT, always I try!
However, when things are too hard...
or seem unattainable
or beyond reach..
what then??
I feel stretched already!
How do I do more or add more if I need more??

I am learning to ASK!!!!
I am finally reaching a place
of being able to say...
hey, if you know of anyone who has this
I need this!
If you know of anyone who can do this
I need this!
Its freeing in and of itself!
so many times I wonder or worry or stress...
and I am coming to understand
that there are those
who want to help...
who have skills
or clothes
or friendship to give..
and are just waiting for someone to ask!!
learning to ask...
another step closer...
to being completely free!