ownership versus ignorance

as I have blogged..
three years ago I made a BIG mistake.
it is a mistake that carries with it
on going consequences.

I have come to understand now
that there are so many worse
scenarios in a relationship,
then a broken heart.

I have come to understand
that a broken heart
heals faster
then a broken spirit.

I now know
that there are men (and woman)
who say what they know you want to hear.
there are men who hurt because they can.

my first husband hurt me
but because I was incidental in the process..
he hurt me because there was no other way
in his mind.
I will forever like him as a person.
I will forever believe in his 'good'.
my second husband hurt me because,
hurting me was the only way to break me...
hurting me was the quickest way to bend me..
and hurting me and breaking me
was the only way to possess me.

I have learned that love and obsession
do not co-exist.
I have learned that fear and love cannot reside in the same
heart.

I have learned that some people are just
bad!!!

and now that I know that?
I own that!
if I repeat the past,
it is not for lack of knowledge..
and I cannot feel surprised or taken aback.
once you know, you cannot go back to ignorance.

how many of us do?
how many try to turn back the clock?
or pretend that what we heard was not what was meant?
and what damage do we do to our souls,
when we ignore the truth
to live in the lie..
that for a moment makes us happy..

what devastation do we spread..
and sorrow do we reap..
when we are given the gift of truth,
and we discard it for the deception.


Lord have mercy on those who do not see...
and take the blinders off my heart
so that I never live out of the light of truth again.