RUNNING..towards..or away?

I run.
Not because I can..
But, instead because I can't!

I am not a very good runner,
in fact I am pretty lousy at it.
I find it hard.
I find it hot.
and it hurts.

I do not run to be an amazing athlete.
But, I run with passion,
and with purpose.

I run because
every time I run;
reminds me
of what I have run from,
run through,
and run towards.

At 32 years old I had never run EVER.
If you asked me why?
I would tell you that I could not.
I liked to work out..
I enjoyed the gym..
loved to walk,
and do machines..
But, run?
I just could not!
It hurt my throat,
It hurt to breathe,
It hurt my chest...
Not my thing.

However,
In August 2005 I was at the beach
with my parents and children.
My life was falling apart.
My marriage looked to be over,
despite my fighting with all I had.
I was at the beach to recoup some energy,
in order to go back home and face
what looked to be an inevitable
and very destructive storm.

As I walked the beach one night,
my life felt out of control.
decisions were made without me,
that were affecting the immediate present,
they were changing the rest of my life..
and even forever affecting my perception of the past.
Nothing was left untouched!
And, there was nothing I could do.

I knew I could not do this.
I knew I needed something
to help me feel in control.
I needed to do something
I could not do
and succeed.
and so I ran!...

3 minutes and I was winded...

5 months later I ran a 5k.
Just 3 miles..But huge in so many ways.
as I ran that race..
each mile represented something I had over come..
and by the last mile..
as I drew near the finish line;
I knew I would be OK.

I am running again..
its been a while.
But, every day my running
reminds me of my life..
It gives me peace in the present,
comfort in the past..
and hope for the future!

some days it takes
everything I have
to reach my goal.
when I get there I am reminded
that if I stick with it
I will eventually make
it to the finish line.
some days I reach my goal
and push through...
This reminds me that
I can achieve more then I expect.
And some days I never make it
as far as putting on my shoes.
These days I am reminded
that some days
it takes all we have
just to walk..

but, theres always tomorrow..
and the shoes will be there waiting!