same old...same new

For 16 months
I could tell you
on any given day..
how many months
and how many days
it had been
since I left my short-lived
but toxic
relationship.

It was so traumatic
and dark
and lonely
that I could still remember
the fear
and the abyss of the unknown,
that I faced that night.

And then the other day
I said to myself
"wait, has it been 16 or 17 months?"
and I had to do the math!
WOW!!! I am letting it go..
Letting go of that dark night!
Letting go of the weekend that followed.
Letting go of facing an event
with no inner strength or confidence,
just complete determination.
Letting go of the enormous burden I felt
in protecting myself and my family
without any plan as to what that would look like...
I realized in the moment
of doing 'the math'
that finally,
I was starting to let it go!

and then a few weeks later
the 17th month anniversary arrived.
I looked at the date
often that day
but it did not register
until that night
what day it was.
What it meant.

The hold is loosening,
the power of fear
loosing its grip..
the past is becoming just that.
My strength in the present
is greater then the prison
of the past.

and it no longer matters..
1 year,
13 months,
16 months,
or now 17..
I am free!!

And slowly the freedom
is invading my heart
and my soul..
and its no longer a word
or a prayer!
It has become my utter and complete
state of being!