The un spoken understanding between broken hearts...

When I speak to people
about my pain
these past few years..
some get it..
some feel it on my behalf...
some sympathize...
some listen..
some help...
but only some
Speak the language of a broken heart!
A language that is learned
through pain and brokenness
a language that can not be translated
only understood...
a language that takes but a moment in time to learn
and a lifetime to learn to live with..
and yet the beauty in this language
is that if you have learned it..
you have also learned to speak it with strength,
you have learned that this new language of hurt
does not define you..
and you have learned that speaking this language
allows you to understand
the heart to heart communication
from someone whose heart is breaking still..
it is a language of loss...
but it will become a language of love.

Life single...

So many things you cannot prepare for..
tonight was my daughters school play!
First school event...
of course, this means...
all attend!
Me...
their dad....
and his girlfriend!
And while I like her...
and While him and I are on
friendly terms..
I wonder if the feeling
of 'just something being off'.....
will ever go away!

When they walk out the door with my children,
me following a few paces behind..
will it ever not look like a photograph gone wrong..
as if somehow the picture got mixed up with someone
elses...

Its not about feelings...
its about whats seems natural I guess,...
and I guess I am still in the acceptance stage
in some of this!

I would not go back for anything...
the lessons I have learnt
and the person I am today
were worth every single tear
that ever dropped upon my cheek!!

But, I still look at the kids
and feel they belong to 'us'..
not him (and sort of her...)
and me!

I know also,
that this is a difficult process..
no matter how good it is!
No matter how much I like
the girlfriend..
No matter how much I appreciatte
how good she is to them..
When from the stage they wave...
to get her attention,
not mine...
it hurts!! Can't help it!!
I realize I share their hearts!
I am not protective of that!
They matter enough for me to want
the best in all parts of their life.
I find joy in the happiness they feel
in both their homes...
and yet still...
this was my 'spot'...
I was the only 'mother' figure...
moving over...
even just a little...
is not as easy as it sounds!!:)

All part of the process...
All part of the struggle..
and All part of the journey
that will bring me to a better
tomorrow....