acceptance or denial....?

I have to admit...
that there are certain things about a divorce
that get harder with time..

there are things that get easier..
certainly the hurt is less in time,
certainly the fear gets better,
certainly as you let go
it gets easier..
You make a new life
and you move on...

BUT, for me one aspect gets harder...
The 'other lady' in my now ex's life..
The one whom now shares his heart and home,
is now the 'other lady' in my children's life.
And sometimes I struggle...
They like her..
my youngest adores her...
and she is good to them!
and I am GLAD she is good to them!

SO why do I sometimes feel jealous??
maybe because finances are different in their home..
2 incomes...
therefore more fun activities...
maybe?
maybe because sometimes I have to let go of one of my plans...
times when a movies watched with her is one I had looked forward to watching with my girls..
or a play attended is one I had hoped to share with them...
its selfish!
I KNOW that!!!
and yet its there..
that wish that as their mother..
I never had to share moments!
I never had to bring up something I was excited to do with them..
only to hear its been done already with someone else...

AND yet..
if I had to choose
I would take this over someone who hurts them!
This breaks my heart,
the other would break theirs!!!

regardless of the positive..
no matter how grateful I am for the good...
there are moments
when the other lady in the lives of what used to be MY family
makes me feel really, really bad!