The color of happiness...

I was paid a very
nice compliment today
when someone told me;
"happiness looks good on you"..

it made me think..
I am happy!
and yet,
its been a brutal 6 months.
back to back
misses...
hurts..
mistakes...
lessons.

And yet,
I am happy!
I am not defined by the people
who say things
that I hope they mean..
or the moments
that feel to good to be true.
nor am I defined by
the questions and doubt
left behind.

Instead..
I can learn!
I can know to trust my gut
the next time.
I can choose to walk
when flags fly,
instead of taking a risk
when I know what the
outcome will be!
I can take a chance..
or play it safe.
but I will face it with eyes more open
then ever before.

regardless..
its a lesson.
its not who I am...

Who am I?
happy!
christian!
mama!
daughter!
busy!
kayaker!
shooter!
girlfriend to many!
sister!
runner!
swimmer!
vacationer!
reader!
.......and more.....

I am so much more
then the disapointments...

I am not sure what the color
of 'dadgum, I did it again'
looks like..
but I know that wearing the color
of happiness
brings out my best!

The sliver lining...

so as of late..
life has taught me
that its time to take
a step back...
to reevaluate my hearts choices,
and to heal from
the hiccups along the way!

I could wonder
at the whys.
and I could cry over
the seeming 'lack of love'
in my life..

but, I don't and I won't..
because
the silver lining in my life,
in the contentment
and 'fullness'
of the life I live.

One of reasons for the depth
of joy I feel is;
I am blessed with 
truly great friendships!
Not just one or two..
but several!!!

I have the friends that are my safe place.
That know me.
Get me.
accept me.
and take care of me.
I have a couple of friends that I can
spill it all too.
the good, the ugly, and the questionable.
I know they won't judge,
or tell me only what I want to hear.
I have the friends that I can just
pass time with.
sometimes with heart to heart talks,
and sometimes idle chatter!
I have the friend that knew me then,
and knows me now,
and will call me on my choices.
and yet, supports me when I go the
wrong way!
I have the friend
that pushes me outside my limits
and are always up for some thing 'new'.
I have friends who read my heart
and catch me when I fall.
I have friends that I can laugh with
and be completely me.
I have a friend that I can walk with,
for miles..never running out of things to say.
as we catch up on health and life.
I have the friend
that I enjoy day trips
and even nights away with..
beach days,
and lake afternoons.
Who is easy to be with,
and I am always enriched by our time.
I have the high school best friend..
that is my best friend still, 20 plus years later.
and more..

Some people wait a lifetime
for a friendship
that stands the test of trial and time..
I have been blessed by many.
Friends I see every few months
and even every few years..
friends I don't go more then a few
days without chatting with!
Friends I walk with, talk with, travel with,
cry with, complain with, brainstorm with,
laugh with...

I may not have met 'Mr right'.
I may not have found a man who
will treasure my heart for the rest of time..
but I have the gift of friendships.
that enrich my life
beyond measure.
truly a silver lining
in my single life.

single bucket list in progress....

Last summer I stared a single bucket list,
things I want to do
with or without that special someone.
I crossed a few things off...

1) Salsa lessons
2) Self defense- learned to shoot a gun!
3) Cooking classes- changed my mind!:-)
4) Painting class- found the teacher..its a start!
5) Blond highlights in my hair- done
6) Line dancing- done
7) Loose 5-10 pounds- doing
8) Get a facial
9) Start my book
10) Kayaking or canoeing
11) Weekend camping trip
12) Camp at Disney
13) Take a surfing lesson- does a surfing experience in Miami count?
14) play my guitar- did, and decided not so exciting to me!

And so,
I pulled back out my list!
and decided its time to make things happen!

Kayaking is still on the list.
Now I am adding traitholon.
which means riding a bike.

Will be working on my list..
whats on yours?

Remember when...

Tonight I had a 'flash back'..
to a time when life was NOT content.
I was transported to a memory
which found me
sad, and desperate, and scared.
I remembered what it was to crave
freedom..
and to long to be released.
In that memory,
I also walked through
the strength it took to leave.
The power I had to summon
to face my fears,
and live out my bad dreams.
And what I remembered most?
is that I did it!
I survived!
I overcame!
and now..
life sometimes hurts!
It some times makes me wonder
why?
and when?
and what next?
but, it does not find me hiding..
or cringing..!
so remembering 'when'
helped me to remember that 'now'
I will be OK!
more then ok...!
I have faced worse and survived.
this?
piece of cake!