life is too short....

I have a friend...
she is young..
she is a mom...
she is crafty..
she is organized...
she is the polar opposite of me...

and she is dying.
she probably has days left!

When I first got to know her,
it seemed so unlikely we would hit it off,
I was the 'leader' of the ladies group..
she was the one who seemed to do it all and know how to get it all done..
and she did it well.
I liked her! A LOT!
I learnt so much from watching her..
and also learnt that I would never be like her...
she made her own christmas cards,
threw beautiful tea parties...
was creative in ways I could never even pretend to be..
she was something else!

Then she found out she had cancer..
she battled it for SIX years!
She raised her little ones
from preschoolers
to elementary students..
she poured into them.
She volunteered at their school
and spent time with them..
and went to treatment..
and NEVER said how scared she was!
She is the bravest person I believe I have ever known!

and now,
she fights with little strength,
and seems ready to let go!
and yet,
in those she leaves behind,
her legacy will live on!
We have all been reminded how special
rare friends are...
how short life is..
that each moment is a gift not a guarantee...
and we will not forget,
because she is and always will be unforgettable!

its complicated..really!

saw a great movie tonight..
it was really funny!
and I think it would have been funny
even if I could not relate..
but I could..
and that made it all the funnier!
the premise is too ex spouses having an affair,
while I cannot relate to that part,
the movie portrayed so well,
the history shared
and the complicated emotions surrounding
the relationship with someone you spent so much of your lifetime with...

My ex and I can chat about life like old friends...
its complicated!
My ex and I can seethe with anger towards each other over something
in the present
that reminds us of the past...
its complicated!
My ex and I exchange Christmas gifts every year
not from the kids
from each other,
not intimate at all
but personal.
for me chocolate or coffee, for him pictures of the kids...
its complicated!
My ex and I know each other better then we want to,
and often more then we would like too...
its complicated!
My ex and I know we would not want to be together,
but know we do not want the other to come to harm or hurt..
its complicated!
My ex and I have three children that we love, sometimes agree on, sometimes don't..
its complicated!

The emotions are complicated!
the feelings are complicated!
But, the reality is simple!
You can like each other even when you sometimes don't!
You can be friends in the midst of less then ideal circumstances!
You can move on and yet still share your children!
You can be bigger then the past!
You can find a new 'you' and 'him' and become better for it!
It will take time..
it will happen...
and its all worth it!

And this movie will make you laugh, cry and think!
and thats a hit with me!:)

Upside of divorce...

after a wonderful christmas morning..
when the presents were opened..
breakfast eaten...
wrapping paper thrown away...
my children were anticipating their dad
picking them up
for round two!
My middle child said
that she actually likes that she has two families,
that there is a good side to a divorce...
YES! the two christmas's!
I was so torn when she said it..
on the one hand
I am glad that hurt is no longer raw..
the new memories have overpowered old..
and that the silver lining evident.
On the other hand
I want to issue a warning..
something like
"don't try this at home.." or "leave this to the professionals"..
because the double holiday does not erase the lifetime
of potential hang ups and scars...
so much flashed through my mind,
but, I smiled and said " I know, how fun!"
They lived it..they know! they need no reminders...
and yes,there are upsides..
and the pain fades..
and this year I realized that Christmas was OK alone..
actually better then OK!
I have learnt that I will heal 'situationaly'
and some things cause no pain, some cause some pain and other situations cause....
just regrets, wishes, or hopes!
there is no one size fits all..
but all will pass and fade..
and each moment in time brings new hope and healing
and a healthier tomorrow!