lessons, love,life and living....

So much has happened
in my heart
these past 5 years,
yes. five!

seems huge..
seems long..
seems short..
IS significant.
one month from now,
I celebrate a milestone;
5 years since I ran.

I have learned so much.
I have learned that I can love,
and loose
and hurt
and cry,
I have learned
that I can survive
and work
and provide
and protect...

I have redefined
what love looks like..
I have come to a place
of knowing
that what I want
and what I need
might be different.
What I hope for
is someone who is my 'other half'...
no more. no less.

Life has taught me,
carried me..
sustained me..
and existed beside me.

And through it all..
I live.
I live with tears,
I live with laughter.
I live with grace..
and fears.
I live with strength
and sometimes weakness.

I strive for more,
accept what is;
I look to find the breath
within the moments.
I fail sometimes.
I start over.
I wish sometimes...
I dream sometimes..
I wonder sometimes..
but always I am.
Always I become.
Always I live.

forty,fit'ish', frazzled....fabulous

So..
it happened.
I turned 40!
and I feel...
well..
exactly the same.

However,
as I reflect
I know
that I have come to accept
where I am differently!
I still get tired.
I still get overwhelmed.
but what for some,
would be too much-
for me is every day.
normal.
routine.

recently,
I heard a mom at a ball game
say:
"I am doing the single parent
thing for the week.God HELP ME"
and I remembered
that there was a time,
it would have felt TOO much.
There still are moments
that it IS.
But, no longer do I worry,
or fret,
or wonder if I can truly do this..
face this..
live this..
survive this!

I am thankful
that in reflection
I can see how far I have come.
I can own
how far I have to go.
I can accept that single parenting
and doing life alone,
is hard;
no matter how much love and support
you have!
I can believe that this is just
the start..
and something great is waiting.
and I can focus
on the raw and transparent beauty of my life.

I like who I am..
I am comfortable in my own skin..
I have balance and fun.
I work so very hard..
and I play so very purposefully.
I parent with all I have,
and I love without restraint.

I am forty!
I am fit 'ish'!
I am frazzled!
and it feels Fabulous!