Birthday recollections....

Today is my birthday!
38 years old..
or young..
or somewhere in between.

The first 32 birthdays
were pretty routine..
all good in their own ways!

But, 5 years ago-
birthdays took on a whole new meaning!

5 years ago..
my girlfriends took me to dinner-
my gifts?
items to start my new life.
I moved out of the house
I had built with my husband
of almost 15 years..
5 days after that birthday!

1 year later..
I was taken to dinner by the man
I would marry in just a few days!!
We got in a fight..
because my ex called our kids..
ON my birthday!
caused an issue..
I ignored the warning..
I was married again
with the week!

1 year after that..
I was dreadfully unhappy...
the man I married
surprised me with a hot air balloon ride,
a grand gesture..
a picture taking opportunity..
in the midst
of hurt and anger..
yelling and threats.
it was a birthday that ended
once again in a fight..
as once again
my ex called our kids...
on my birthday!
dejavu...

1 year later!
I was divorced again-
I was still finding my footing!
a friend took me to dinner
and for a pedicure!
It was nice..
I was still sad.

1 year later..
a GREAT night out with
SEVERAL friends!
Including a man
I had just started dating.
the dating was short lived..
the friendships STILL strong..
and that birthday
the start of a new me!!!!

Now...
1 year later..
3 years single-again..
healthy..
happy !
another night out with friends!
this time..
I was not reserved.
I was not guarded.
I was free of all hurt!
I had a date with me..
it was obvious before the night
was over..
that I would not see him again-
but, even that was good!
I laughed with my friends..
I felt loved and celebrated!
I felt 'home'...

5 years of hurt and heartache...

and now today..
a weekend of celebration..
first with friends..
then with family..
and today with my kids-

and what I know;
is that I get stronger
with each birthday..
wiser with each lesson..
happier with each year that passes!!

and even as another birthday passes...
without that 'special' someone-
the people that celebrated with me
remind me
that love comes in all packages..
and that a complete life
is a celebrated life!
and this weekend..
that's exactly how I felt..
complete!