Lessons in on line dating defined

Dear potential on line suitor,

Many people who know
and love me,
think that in doing this
I am nuts!
so, it would help;
if you were not,
well, nuts!

These small tips might help..

The first time we talk
its best that you do not tell me
that you could
'look at my pictures all day'..
that you have my number
'on speed dial' already...
or ask if we could set up
breakfast with my parents!

On a first date..
in which you entertain me all evening
with out asking a single question..
please do not later send a text
asking what I am wearing..
and if I would like to come over!
IF you had asked a SINGLE question
you would have by now figured out-
'I am NOT that girl'...

When you email me for the first time,
I prefer you do not start with the line;
'hey baby cakes'..
but, that is just me!!

Hanging up the phone with me
(after talking the first time)
and then calling right back..
(which of course will go unanswered)
and then emailing me..
twice..
is CREEPY!!
so don't!!!

My 'stalking radar'
is slightly strong..
I will admit..
so a text is fine!
but a text followed by another text..
followed by any variation
of 'did you get my text'..
is again..
too much!
Maybe the girl who likes to be smothered
is out there..
but I am not her!!

So, dear potential suitor..
think balance!
think normal!
Do not mention
my pictures more than once..
remember you have not met me yet..
keep in mind
I do not believe a single word
that you say,
and I am quite sure
your pictures are fake
and you are using an alias!
The deck is already stacked against you!
So, if an actual date is hoped for...
than lets tone down the crazy
and go from there..

Thanks,
Debbie