What hurts the most...

Over this past year
I have dated!
Not a lot..
but enough.
Some first dates..
a few seconds..
2 short term relationships...
and 1 whirlwind disaster.

Almost every time..
I have walked away!
sometimes quickly,
some times after a few dates..
some times a few months..
but, its been me
or mutual!

This past time-
he disappeared!
I suspect why;
but there was not the basic respect
of letting me know!
and while
it was a short lived romance,
of sorts..
it has really gotten to me!

As I was driving
and wondering
why I could not just forget it..
Why his false words
still play in my mind..
Why I relive my words
and actions..
wondering what I might have done?
why, knowing
how wrong the match
was...
I still feel the kick in the gut?

Then I realized;
its the rejection!
No matter the reason,
no matter the length...
he walked away!
He rejected
even the chance..
that is what hurts!
Add to that..
the lack of closure,
which for me
is VERY difficult....
and its sitting on my heart!

Realizing what it is
helps..
it lessons the hold.
Accepting
that rejection is part of the process
helps a bit too..
and remembering
that the shoe has been on the other foot
aids a little!

And so,
I will pick my esteem back off the floor...
and remember
that who I am
is enough..
and remind myself
that his perception is only his reality-
not mine...
and I shall stop moping
over hurt feelings...
get back out of my cave
and move on!

Not easy...
but needed!