accepting

I will admit...
there is an aspect of my divorce
that has taken me
years to truly accept...

And that is,
that I am REALLY alone
in this!!

Not completely..
as I have family and friends-
but from a 'partnership perspective'
I am alone.

I realized recently
that I have held onto ties..
not love,
or attraction..
not hopes or illusions...
instead-
I have held to the
'we are in this together'
emotion.
and yet-
unless its about the kids-
we are not!
That is not wrong!
That is not ugly
on either of our parts-
that is divorce!

Divorce ends what was!
but, sometimes
when what was
is all you know..
when what was
took so much time to build..
when what was
was one of the deepest
friendships you thought
you had...
its hard to end that.

I had allowed myself
to believe
that the 'friendship' was still there,
because I was not ready
to let go.

Now I am able to see
the reality of what is!
A good,amicable, parenting partnership.
But, as we let others in..
as life moves on; as it will..
that's all we are meant to be!
That's all we should expect-
can expect!

And finally,
I understand
that I was holding on
to the hope
that I did not have to accept-
that I am really doing life
alone!

As always,
understanding the emotions
that hold us captive..
is the key to acceptance..
acceptance is the key
to truly getting healthy
and whole.

step by step by step...