Divorce is NOT between 2 people...

A friend of mine
brought up an interesting point recently..
she mentioned that she was glad I had forgiven,
but she was having a harder time..
not with HER situation,
she is happily married.
But, with mine.
It felt personal to her.
She had loved my ex..
as many did..
she was sad and hurt..
even betrayed.

This is so true.
I see it so often..
and I see it in my life.
Those that love me
and watched me hurt,
those that knew my ex
and felt like they lost
someone important to them..
they have not moved on
as easily as I have.

Why?
I have thought about this alot,
and here is what I have.
when it happens to you
you live it daily..
every moment.
There is not a moment of an hour of a day,
that you do not remember
or hurt
or cry
or think
or mourn
or wish
or pray!
Your hurt is all you do
and all you are.
And so,
you have to face it!
You have no choice,
you either get lost in the pain,
or you learn from it
and begin to move on.

However, those around you,
hurt and cry and mourn..
but they are still living their lives.
They can not put their marraiges, families
and lives on hold
to face and deal with YOUR crisis...
and so instead they face it in moments!
They face it when they see you
or speak with you,
and they remember.
and then they hurt..
as if it just happened.
For them there is not the closure
or the time.

In addition when YOU
are facing this,
you read books,
take classes,
get therapy..
YOU know you are in crisis
and you react accordingly.
Those who love you,
support you
and help you
without realising they are in crisis too.
They have loved
and they have lost.

I have no words of wisdom,
but I know that divorce does not only affect the couple.
It breaks hearts in every direction...
it severes families,
and ends friendships.
Divorce is a force of nature
that leaves devastation in its wake.
And the only solution,
is time..
and reality..
and communication..
and the grace to know,
that those who love you
are hurting too!!
and may need YOU to support them
when you are healthy enough
to lend an ear, a heart and a hand!

A , maybe unexpected, yet appropriatte acknowledgement

This post is a little different..
it is an actual acknowledgment
to the man who left me..
and whom I loved once deeply..!

There was much that hurt me,
that I have blogged..
but there was much that
I am grateful for,
that I have not blogged
as much!!

With this man
who owned my heart;
I had 3 children.

for 9 years
I stayed home with these children.
I was with them every day,
I took them to the park,
and play dates.
I spent days at the zoo
and climbing trees
with them.
We met their dad
at the park for lunch,
we met friends at McDonalds
and the library...
it was heaven on earth!

for 9 years I lived my dream..
I was a full time mommy and wife.
I never had to miss a moment,
or a tear.
I read to my children as often as they wanted,
I went to all their events..
they never came second to anything!
They never heard the words;
"sorry, mommy can't."
for 9 years I was able to pour my soul
into my children..

and now,
as a working mom..
who still loves her children as much..
but who now understands shuffling priorities
and the balancing act that life now demands;
I understand the rare gift that I had.
I now know that those daytime moments
of swinging in the park
were a blessing..
a stolen moment!
and those moments
were made possible by their dad!!

Of all the gifts over the years..
the jewelry and flowers,
the kisses and trips..
the gift of time with THEM
is the greatest gift he ever gave.

I believe its why even now
after all that's happened
and the hurt
and the moments that I still cry..
I still love!
Its not the love that comes
with a lifetime commitment..
or the love that makes your skin prickle..
its a love that carries deep thankfulness,
and a love that sees the good
and remembers the best..
and understands that you can never
take
the moments
that define us..
away!
they are ours!!

So to this man..
this man I loved once deeply!
Thank you
for the moments with our children
that have defined me..
and I hope
have helped define them too!

one year...and truly time heals..

This was my post from a year ago...
And I have overcome it!
It still rings true..
I still remember,
but no-longer am I in the place I was.

Sunday, March 29, 2009
Not lonely..lacking purpose

I realised something important..
I have been thinking about why
sometimes I love being alone
and sometimes I feel sad alone.

I thought that meant I was lonely,
and Yet my heart ache is so fresh
that the desire to start new
is non-existant!

I have a very supportive family
3 wonderful children
and am blessed with the most amazing friends..
so, lonely did not seem to fit!

I know what it is!
When I am productive I have purpose!
I know my place
my role
where I fit in the world.
After a day at work,
I get my kids,
I manage my home
and prepare for the next day...
when alone time comes it is welcomed!
It has a purpose;
to refresh
relax.....regain strength to do it all over again!

When I am heading somewhere,
meeting someone..
planning something...
I have a plan!
My footing is sure!

The sadness?
its more a feeling of being lost!
Not lonely,
but we are not taught the difference.
We assume we are lonely and look to fill the void..
with someone..
when instead we feel lost
because we are unsure
in the moment
of our purpose
and should look to fill the void
with something instead..
even understanding!

Expecting the feeling..
knowing that an aimless sunday
when the kids are at their dads,
friends are busy,
work is done...
will bring a loss of direction;

I will not be caught of gaurd!
I can learn to over come it,
and I believe I will..
but in the meantime I can beat it..
plan around it..
or just meet it head on!
But I will know which feeling has overcome me
and not mistake it for another..

the first step for me
in not repeating mistakes
of the past!