Learning to fall....

I am learning that falling

is easy..

its the landing thats scary!

What will be waiting when you get there..

will the landing be soft?

or will it leave you broken and bruised?

will the landing be followed

by a journey,

or will the journey

end with the fall?

and yet, of all the aspects
of the ride,

the fall can be the prettiest..

the most graceful..

the biggest rush!

It's the scariest..

the most thrilling...

the part of the ride with the

fewest guarantees..

but, if by chance..

the fall

is the beginning

of something

that you have yet to even imagine;

you may not be falling;

you may actually be learning

how to fly!

a rational risk..

so once again..
I face the end of what was..
the beginning of something new
that is still
yet to come.

For no sinister reason..
no unkind exchange..
no spite or malice:
just life-
just timing-
just:
not for us.

And yet,
no matter the reason..
it hurts!
The loss of HOPE,
the missing of what WAS
or might have been.
the acceptance
of heading out THERE again.

I had almost forgotten
how a heart ache could feel..
almost!

But, I have learned
that the heart never forgets!
A small bump,
a severing cut,
a painful bruise...
after a while it all feels the same!

The hurt travels
down a familiar path-
no rhyme or reason
and no reprieve!
The mind can gain an ability
to be objective
that the heart never does!

I have hurt before..
I have certainly lived through
my own personal hell..
of heart break and loss!
the loss of hope is sad
but not devastating!
a set back, disapointment
or bump in the road- is just that!

Could someone mention
that to my heart?
please?

Harder still..

It is  not often that the past is on my mind..
I have healed from even the worst,
and have learned the lessons well.

but once in a while...

Lately at work I have been tired!
I even uttered the phrase;
"Hardest I have ever worked in my life"..

and then I remembered...

A time in my life when I was woken before the sun,
and my morning started at a run.
sitting was not an option..not for leisure!
There was a large house to clean spotlessly,
an office to manage,
Children to homeschool.
errands to run,
meals to cook,
swim lessons to teach,
boxes to carry,
lists to follow,
schedules to keep!

After all;
I had to earn my keep!

Not to mention:
there were verbal bullets to dodge,
and refuge from deep hurt to seek!

My day began early!
It ended late!

A real life cinderalla..
with no hope of a prince!

I was SO tired!
I remember 
KNOWING
that I would probably never work
so hard again !
I knew then..
that come what may...
No matter what was to come
as a single mom....
I had faced the worst!!

And yet,
I forget!

The memories fade..
The pain is lost...
The fabric of the experience
woven deep within my mind!

Until now:
when I need the memory,
when I need to draw on my past!

That is why we learn the lessons!
So that when we feel we cannot go on,
when we are weary-
when hope feels far away;
we can draw from what 'was'
and be reminded that it shall
never 'be' again..
and our strength from 'then'
provides the very needed
'push' for now.

Lessons well learned
become strength in reserve!