Monday, May 30, 2011

Do you ever forget?

Today is memorial day!
A day of remembering...

For me,
this date also brings
other memories to mind.

19 years ago
I married the love of my life...
believing in happily ever after.
Knowing I never wanted more...

5 years ago
on this exact date...
it began to unravel.

So, today..
the day we would have celebrated
19 years
leaves me feeling...

I remember,
I will always remember!
I know what I have lost
and I know what I have gained!
I accept where we are,
and truly believe that it is
where we are meant to be!

There was a time in my life
that the length of my marriage
brought me great satisfaction!
It was also a time in my life
that the 'roles' in my life
held my identity!

Now, my contentment is not in my role
or in my status...
instead it is in the simple way
I face and overcome each day.

Do I wish that I could have that
19 year celebration?
I wish...
that life had been all I had hoped..
and all my children desired!
It was not!
So I grieved the hurt
and accepted the now.

and today..
instead of dwelling on the loss
I shall dwell on the outcome!
The 3 amazing children we share,
and the way we have come to parent
together ;
and work as a separate , but unified, couple
as much as possible.

I shall celebrate
that 19 years ago
I married a man
who stole my heart..
provided for our family..
allowed me to stay home with
our kids..
who will always be
the father of my children!
I shall celebrate the relationship
we have forged through the brokenness
and the lessons we learned in the process.

I shall celebrate
that it no longer hurts
like it did..
that I no longer
need to forget!


  1. Gosh...Iw ould have forgotten...June 2, 1990 I got ended in 2001...if you hadn't mention this I would have let the day go by and not even recalled it...21 years I'm ok with the ending too...unfortunately he also disappeared from our children's lives..his loss. You are such a winner Debbie. You and your beautiful family and your chickens! Oh and bunnies and assorted other furry creatures! xxoo....

  2. I don't know why, but this one brought tears to my eyes. I guess seeing that you had a good marriage and family for a while, therefore, have something to lose. I didn't even have that! My marriage after child was NEVER right. I felt like single mom as soon as my daughter was born. He didn't provide for us and didn't take part in our family. I guess I still hold some hurt from that. I'm glad you had a good thing once and it allowed you to be there for your kids when they needed you most. Your kids see how strong you are now, and I know they appreciate all of your hard work...including the farm. :)