What a girl wants...

Recently I was asked..
"what am I looking for in a man?"
as I tried to answer it,
I realized..
I am not looking
for a 'type of man'
I am looking
for a 'type of relationship'.

I could look for a type-
some one free spirited,
some one like me..
who wants to save the world.
But, it could be a disaster!
Or I could
look for the opposite of me..
someone whose strengths
are my weakness's..
and it could back fire!

So, instead..
I am not looking for a
particular person!
I do not know
if the person I would like to meet
will be
older or younger.
whether he will be type A
or peace loving...
whether he will be
strong
or easy going....

What I know
is that he will respect me!
He will accept who I am
and whether we are similar
or complete opposites
he will not try and change me..
nor me him!

A relationship of acceptance
means
that I will excel in my strengths..
he will excel in his strengths!
If he wants to 'take over'
an area I am weak in..
he will!
he will not try and make me do it his way!
This matters!

We will enjoy each others company..
we will be relaxed
and companionable...
we will be able to talk
about what matters,
and what does not!
and we will respect
and accept each others opinions!
we will be loyal to each other..
we will protect each other.

We may be the same!
We may be opposite!
But, we will BE balance.

This is what I want...

Lessons in on line dating defined

Dear potential on line suitor,

Many people who know
and love me,
think that in doing this
I am nuts!
so, it would help;
if you were not,
well, nuts!

These small tips might help..

The first time we talk
its best that you do not tell me
that you could
'look at my pictures all day'..
that you have my number
'on speed dial' already...
or ask if we could set up
breakfast with my parents!

On a first date..
in which you entertain me all evening
with out asking a single question..
please do not later send a text
asking what I am wearing..
and if I would like to come over!
IF you had asked a SINGLE question
you would have by now figured out-
'I am NOT that girl'...

When you email me for the first time,
I prefer you do not start with the line;
'hey baby cakes'..
but, that is just me!!

Hanging up the phone with me
(after talking the first time)
and then calling right back..
(which of course will go unanswered)
and then emailing me..
twice..
is CREEPY!!
so don't!!!

My 'stalking radar'
is slightly strong..
I will admit..
so a text is fine!
but a text followed by another text..
followed by any variation
of 'did you get my text'..
is again..
too much!
Maybe the girl who likes to be smothered
is out there..
but I am not her!!

So, dear potential suitor..
think balance!
think normal!
Do not mention
my pictures more than once..
remember you have not met me yet..
keep in mind
I do not believe a single word
that you say,
and I am quite sure
your pictures are fake
and you are using an alias!
The deck is already stacked against you!
So, if an actual date is hoped for...
than lets tone down the crazy
and go from there..

Thanks,
Debbie

what a month...

October is a month of milestones
for me...
its started with my birthday on the 2nd.

October 5th was the 5 year
anniversary of my divorce.
(is that even what you call it?)

2 days later..
October 7th
marks 4 years ago
that I married a man
I had known only 8 months...

And then this weekend..
I am celebrating
my 20th reunion from high school!

Milestones in my life..
that make me who I am today!

Being at my the first leg of my reunion
was bitter sweet!
10 years ago
I was there
married and pregnant
with my 3rd child.
I was a stay at home mom
and secure in all ways.

Now..
I am single..
a mother of a teenager-
and 2 might as well be teenage gals
I work full time..
and live month to month..

However-
I am happier now..
more sure of who I am..
and yet-
still feel
on the edge.
Often in life I feel on the edge.
Not in a bad way..
just in an aware way.
I am quirky..
different..
I get that!

but, for so many years
I did not know that..
I, instead,was my 'role'
not my 'person'!

And so..
I face this month
seeing how long a healthy divorce
takes..
and knowing we are there,
as far as I can tell.
I see how
I have forgiven myself
for misjudgements
that happened in the wake
of the hurt...
and I recognize
how much change has happened
in 20 years!

And that all in all..
it is Good!
and I would do it..
all over again!

dating do's and don'ts...Debbie's way!

So..
I have gotten my feet wet
with dating!
Still not doing a lot of it...
but have done enough of it
to know a few things!

I have some Don'ts..
still learning the Do's.

I am learning that
I have a few pet peeves.

The first is that
when someone asks if they can call-
I tend to tell them
that I cannot talk until my kids
are in bed,
I give a time..
and yet..
it seems not to matter!
The phone will ring
2 hours before the kids are sleeping!
and I know..
I will NEVER pick up!
its not about calling the shots..
its about being HEARD!

I am also learning
that there are men
who will say
they like what I stand for.
respect who I am..
and yet,
their actions
and intentions
on a first or second date..
say otherwise.
Its why
a third date does not happen!
I am clear about who I am..
Trust me!

I am learning
that those little 'warnings' in my gut
start going off quite quickly!
I do not always hear them
until they are yelling..
but I am learning that they are
always there!

Most of all,
I am learning to follow my instincts!
to listen to my gut..
to believe in my own hunches...
I am learning
to trust in ME!

Birthday recollections....

Today is my birthday!
38 years old..
or young..
or somewhere in between.

The first 32 birthdays
were pretty routine..
all good in their own ways!

But, 5 years ago-
birthdays took on a whole new meaning!

5 years ago..
my girlfriends took me to dinner-
my gifts?
items to start my new life.
I moved out of the house
I had built with my husband
of almost 15 years..
5 days after that birthday!

1 year later..
I was taken to dinner by the man
I would marry in just a few days!!
We got in a fight..
because my ex called our kids..
ON my birthday!
caused an issue..
I ignored the warning..
I was married again
with the week!

1 year after that..
I was dreadfully unhappy...
the man I married
surprised me with a hot air balloon ride,
a grand gesture..
a picture taking opportunity..
in the midst
of hurt and anger..
yelling and threats.
it was a birthday that ended
once again in a fight..
as once again
my ex called our kids...
on my birthday!
dejavu...

1 year later!
I was divorced again-
I was still finding my footing!
a friend took me to dinner
and for a pedicure!
It was nice..
I was still sad.

1 year later..
a GREAT night out with
SEVERAL friends!
Including a man
I had just started dating.
the dating was short lived..
the friendships STILL strong..
and that birthday
the start of a new me!!!!

Now...
1 year later..
3 years single-again..
healthy..
happy !
another night out with friends!
this time..
I was not reserved.
I was not guarded.
I was free of all hurt!
I had a date with me..
it was obvious before the night
was over..
that I would not see him again-
but, even that was good!
I laughed with my friends..
I felt loved and celebrated!
I felt 'home'...

5 years of hurt and heartache...

and now today..
a weekend of celebration..
first with friends..
then with family..
and today with my kids-

and what I know;
is that I get stronger
with each birthday..
wiser with each lesson..
happier with each year that passes!!

and even as another birthday passes...
without that 'special' someone-
the people that celebrated with me
remind me
that love comes in all packages..
and that a complete life
is a celebrated life!
and this weekend..
that's exactly how I felt..
complete!