Could you pick up some milk?

There is no doubt that being a parent
is exhausting!
the more children you have,
the more activities and friends they have,
the more running you do!

Sometimes just being a mom
says it all!

but, sometimes being a single mom
stands alone!

Tonight as I felt spent,
I tried to define why that is.
As parents we are all busy!

However,
as a single mom-
when I have my kids
its all on me!
If we run out of milk,
there is no one else to send!
If one of my kids needs help with homework,
it does not matter whether I understand it-
its on me!
if there is sporting event
or church activity
or sleep over,
its on me!
forms that need to be filled out..
bills that need to be paid...
calls that need to be made..
projects that need to be done...
Dinner..
Cleaning...
Discipline...
its on me!

Thats the hardest one!
The discipline...
The really big things,
I could call their dad.
But, in the day to day..
sassy girls..or hormonal pre-teens,
or angry teenager,
bad test grades or forgotten chores..
sibling fights
or lost items..
its on me!
even when I am at a loss..
even when I wish I could just talk it out
with some one else..
even when I know that in this moment
its beyond me,
its on me!!

And then there is the emotional part..
the hurts that need comforting,
the advice that needs giving..
the lessons that need instilling...
its on me!

When they are with their dad..
I get my break!
I make up for many full days
and refresh..
and then all of the above is on him!
and I am sure,
he would say the same!

Doing parenting alone
is rewarding..but...easy?
not at all!

Enjoy it now...

My daughter is almost 13.
A great age to talk and chat with!

We had some time in the car
tonight!
we talked about boys!:)
She is still sure that she has no interest,
and I just as sure
that soon she will.

As we talked
I encouraged her
to live her life,
enjoy the opportunities
still to come.
"Don't rush , my love.
Live!Enjoy!Experience!"

BAM!!!
Thats where I am!
Thats what I have!

As I spoke
I shared with her the joy I find
in my friends.
The small trips planned away..
the girls nights out.
The gym work outs,
the coffee's!

I married at 18..
I was married for almost 15 years
and then married again!
YIKES!
and then when I found myself single
I had to learn
how to like being alone,
How to be comfortable
in my own skin.
I had to figure out
how to enjoy myself.
Now, I really do!

Thats not to say
that someone worthwhile
will make me want to give up
some of these times..
but it is to say,
that I shall ENJOY it now!

I shall:
live!enjoy!experience!
This moment..
This season...
This day!

Living in a DATING world...

I sometimes wonder
what it must be like
for my girls,
to have a single mother!

Not, the daily living,
to be honest
we are pretty good at that!
But, the reality
of a mother in the dating world!

They never meet my dates,
and in fact
assume I am pretty dateless.
(often they assume right!)
But, I tease about the single teachers
and the cute football coaches,
and they just ROLE their eyes!

I have used it in moments
as an example!
Recently I went on a really
awful date!
The date started with a dozen roses.
The next day
when my children
saw the roses,
I told them about my evening!

I shared with them
that appearances and pretty words
are not to be trusted-without actions.
I told them about the beautiful roses,
and handsome man,
and complimentary words..
and yet, how really WRONG
of a fit it was!
Something I only knew
because I listened to what My head and gut said,
and did not get swept away
in the glitter of romantic gestures!

And so,
I am sure
its not easy having a mother
in the dating world.
But, I hope
the lessons they learn
along with me;
will make it all worth while!

The waiting game

My choice at this moment
is to view myself as waiting.
or
to view myself as there.


Am I waiting for something better?
Am I where I should be?

While the answer changes
based on the day,
the essence of the answer
has to be found
within the contentment
of the moment!

Maybe I hope that one day
things will look a little different..
but if this is it,
This is not a bad place to be!

Friends, family, children..
weekends aways..
girls nights outs-
a job I love,
a church I enjoy.
hobbies that distract me
and friendships that fulfill me!
Family that accepts me
and children that remind me,
why every breath I take counts!
and above all a Lord that sustains me.

Life could be MORE..
but it could be LESS,
so in this moment-
it is just RIGHT!

I'm BAAACK!:)

I left blogging
believing that life 
had reached the end of a season,
who knew that
this stage of my life
travels in circles.

content alone,
unhappy without,
ready for more,
not ready at all...

Like a merry go round!

As I look at what it all means..
why it all happens..
where I am
and where I want to be,
I realize that
it comes down to one thing;
me!

Am I where I want to be?
Am I as strong as I need to become?
have I learned how to be enough alone
or am I sure that I will be more than enough
with another?

and so the journey continues.
and I am quite sure
that its time to put it in words...

and so it goes.
and so it goes.

not THAT ready...

so for almost 10 months
for reasons of my own..
I have not been on any 'dates'
(fix-ups,blind dates,ect)

so I finally decided it was time.
to say yes to  a date...
so I did.

It was not awful!
but, it was not good...
it felt like hard work!

and I once again know
I am ready!
but not ready at all costs..
not ready for readiness sake..
I am ready for right!

I am happy with my life..
and what I hope for
will only be found
in the arms of the right person!

I can find companionship
with my friends..
and I do!
I can find happiness
with my kids...
and I do!
I can find fulfillment
in my work....
and I do!

 so..ready...
but not THAT ready!