When you know life will never be the same..

I was on one of my favorites sites ; Dianes addled ramblings. She used a prompt that I am borrowing:

Describe in 1000 words or less a time when something happened and you knew that life would never be the same...

For me the moment took months to get too..
we were nearing 14 years of marriage.
I knew something was wrong...
but I did not know what!
I assumed it was finances,
I assumed it was stress.
The LAST thing I assumed was that it was over.

The drama started when I asked one night,
" is it us?"
and he replied
" I think marrying you was a mistake".
ouch! and yet still there was hope..
somehow still hope..
and then the counseling
and the fights
and the tears..
and I could not understand!
Why?
What was wrong?
how could I fix this?
I was desperate to fix this!
I loved this man more then I had loved any one or anything in my whole life..
I had loved him blindly and completely...
I had a family with this man..
children whom I love more than anything is this world..
I could not loose my life..
and that is what it would be!
But, all I got was
" we married too young. I need some space".
Then the counselor, also at a loss,
recommended a separation.
still I hoped!
I lay in bed the night he left thinking,
" This is us. We have been together since we were 17. We will be OK".
there was hope..
and then he came home one night..
and sat at the table and said"
" I am ready to come home"..
and in that moment I knew it was over!
I saw something in his eyes...
I knew there was a question I must ask.
and I knew that the answer would be the death of my hope!
In that moment I knew it was time...
and I uttered the words that started the process of loosing my heartbeat, my love...forever
" is there someone else"..
I knew...
"yes" would follow..
then came the death blow..
"do you love her?"
and in the reply
came the loss of all hope.

new direction....

when I started this blog
it served as my journal!
As I have written I have come to see
that it actually reflects my journey...
And now I am at a place in my journey
in which my focus has changed!

I had to heal from the hurt..
and say goodbye to the past!
I feel that I have done that!
I understand that our past lives in us always...
but we can choose to dwell in it..
or just allow it to dwell in us!

And when the dust settles..
I am now focused on the primary relationships in my life..
my children..
and my primary role ; mom!
I would like to take my blog in a new direction
and begin to focus on how this part of the journey
can be positive and whole!
The negative and sadness behind me..
the future holds only hope!!

I hope that as I move forward in this journal
and in this journey..
I can reflect the lessons learn t
while still learning from others..
I hope that I can impart hope
from steps taken..
and receive encouragement from those who have walked this road before..

This next step in my life..journal ..and journey
will be focused on why and how
my relationship with my ex works,
why and how
being a single mom can be the hardest
BUT also the most rewarding role ever..
and why and how
the lessons learnt were worth the tears...
and the future gained worth the pain...


heres to walking forward with hope
excitement
and a positive new direction!!!!