just like that..a sad shift in focus..

so yesterday
I was wondering where to start.
Overwhelmed with all to do,
not enough time..
way to many plans...

And then,
sadly,
one of our cats..
was hit by a car and killed.
and the focus shifted!
just like that!!
Nothing on my list got done,
as I comforted my children.
They were beautiful and compassionate
in their heart break.
My son stepped into his young mans role;
digging the grave,
hammering the little cross...
the girls brought flowers and painted rocks..
all cried.
Its very sad.

As their mom
I know that this is a slice of life!
It hurts and more hurt with follow.
As children
they cannot imagine much worse.

Its these moments
that leave me as a mom..
wondering..
how do you comfort them
and make it OK?

I did all I knew,
I listened,
I held them,
I allowed them space,
and I sat outside with my youngest
when she decided she was going to keep
a vigil
by the grave.

I do know that for that space of time,
nothing else
that needed to be done
was done!

and maybe theres the answer..
priorities
fall into place
when you recognise
the moments
that supersede
the plans and priorities
you thought you had..
priorities shift
and move like quick sand..
and sometimes they become
the moment
that can be ignored
but will forever leave regret
if its not taken and lived to its fullest.

The moment that lives forever in your heart..
as opposed to the moment that fades and dissapears
and merges into all the others.

parenting defining us TOO much?

Recently when I was going through
an overwhelming moment,
many people around me;
single and married parents..
spoke to the same frustrations.
Kids getting older,
and the emotions and sometimes confusion
that can come with that!

It made me reflect of how 'open' we are
as parents..
or actually how not 'open' we tend to be.
As if we are afraid that by admitting
that we sometimes 'just don't know'..
we will seem like bad parents!

Recently I was speaking to a woman
I have not seen in a while.
Through the course of conversation
she shared a struggle she was having with her child!
a reasonably serious one.
I asked if she had talked to her 'support' moms..
and she said she was afraid too!
They all seem to have it so together!!
What would they think of her?

There is one thing I have learned these last 3 years...
NOTHING is at it seems!
EVERYONE struggles!
No mother or father..
wife or husband..
is perfect!
and if your child has done it,
someone elses child has done it too!!!

I wish we would share more.
be more real!
Our children are a reflection of us, sure!
But, they are also a reflection of their enviroment,
their temperament,
their gifts,
their weakness's...

We can help a child get good grades
with encouragement and support..
but a straight A student does that ALONE!
Just as we can provide the same support
for a struggling student with different results!
Only credit we can claim
is the encouragement of our children
to soar with THEIR wings,
to the areas of life
they were meant to fly!!

children are great at sports
or not..
They are gifted in art,
or not..
they can sing and dance,
or not ...
they are brainiacs,
or not ...
they are kind and giving,
or not...
Those are their gift! NOT OURS!
And children have free choice
to rebel or to defy!
We provide the boundaries,
the training,
the love,
the support,
the listening ear
and the consequences!
But, their choices do not define us!

And yet,
we let them!
we want to pretend all is well..
and struggle in silence
rather then look like a bad mother!
We speak up
when someone else opens the door..
but its always open!
We are all in this together!
life is hard!
BUT the hope is the hand that grabs yours
and says.."I am there too"!!