the highs and lows

I am amazed at how high the highs are ..
and how low the lows!

I think the biggest surprise is that the lows
always
seem to catch me unaware...

they wait in the shadows
until I am distracted, unconcerned, beginning to take tentative steps..
and they cut me down at the knees.

The lows are so low!
so sudden
so sad
so empty
so dark...

and then just as fast
the tears all cried
the anger all spent
the emotions exhausted
the lows are gone
now the middle ground is here..
and soon there will be highs that will lift me above the sadness
and remind me how good life really is!

The highs in my life come
when I breathe free air
and hug my children
and spend time with family and friends
the highs in my life are greater then the lows by far

But the lows....
somehow catch me when I am least expecting it!

Who gets the friends??

One of the hardest things about a divorce is the split of loyalties...

Some are easy..my friends, his friends...
some are more gray..our friends!

But, there is no doubt that so many are affected
when 2 people reach the end of the road...

I have found that some friends and family stayed neutral.
Some were too angry to do anything but stay angry..
some have healed and let go as they have watched me heal and let go..

Some have stood on principal..
and some have stood in love!

But, the friendships I have now are so different from friendships in the past.
Those who were my friends then and are still my freinds now
have had to adjust to a new, more fragile at times, more jaded at others, me...
Those who were couple friends
now know me 'coupleless'.

All in all the friendships that survived are the ones that have carried me...
and the friendships rekindled are the ones i would have missed the most if lost..

In the end, it all worked out
just the way it was meant to...
God's pretty good that way! :)

a season.....

I have a few days this weekend that reminded me of what life used to be..
a day with my girls at a fieldtrip...
I walked with my girls,
spent time with a fellow mom/friend...
had taken the day off work, and had no other worries..

This was what my life used to look like.

In my past I took this for granted...
In my present I appreciatte every moment!

I wonder if my heart will ever stop longing for what was,
when it comes to my children?
what is, is really not that bad!
They are happy enough in their schools...
I am with them every night....
I pick them up after school, something I know I am blessed to do..

and yet, I still remember what it was to wake with them...
and have the day....
the whole day to fill with our thoughts and books and dreams and games....

In many ways its bigger then a change of 'jobs'..
its watching them grow, and watching them change..
and knowing wether I am home with them as I was...
or away during the days as I am...
this season is passing!
and I am not sure I am ready to let go!