a learning curve

so
now that have I dated
again..
after 2 years!
Had a relationship
that was good..
but ended.

I wonder
do I know what I am doing?

Is being honest enough?

Should slow be slower?

Should timing be different?

Should positive words, that you feel,
be saved
until you are sure
you will never have doubts again?

How do you figure out
how not to say the wrong
thing?
and yet how
to say whats on your heart...
even when your heart
seems to change its mind
in moments!

Dating confuses me!

Should I do what I did;
and retreat to my life alone?
should I just take this as a lesson
in what was right?
and what was not?
or instead a sign
that I am not ready
for what might be!

or should I assume
that maybe mistakes made
reflect a lack of 'know how'
is the bigger scheme
of this dating world....

no matter what I decide..
or what happens from here
I am OK!

I have been settled
alone
for a long time!
Being alone is something I enjoy!

So for now,
that becomes
the default.....

and I hope
that if the time
comes that I venture out
again...
that I will find
what has been
caused me to grow...
and learn,
not regress!

so right.....or not?

sometimes it can feel

as it should..

and feel as you

always wanted it to feel...

it can be SO right

and yet,

so not!

I do not know how
or why that is!

Could it be a heart connection

that dwindles?

or a chemistry match

without heart?

Could it be the past

has dug in too deep?

or just simply

the present

is not fitting like a glove?

I do not know!

I know that there was good...

lots of it!

Nothing really was wrong!...

just something

did not feel

completely right!

Maybe it was just me!

Maybe my heart

will never feel whole

again..

or maybe it was timing!

Or maybe

just not the right 'one'.

I just don't know!

I am sad!

ending a relationship

hurts both people!

I am thankful!

I had a couple of months

with a man

who has forever raised

the bar,

as to how I shall

expect to be treated

and cherished!

I am glad!

glad for the moments,

glad for the lessons,

glad for the memories

and glad that I have learned

to read my heart

and know

when 'so' right...

is just 'not'...

nomatter how sad

and very hard...

that is!

over my day!

I JUST am!

Too many things going wrong..
a leaky car..
a computer virus...
hormonal daughters....

Too much to do...
Christmas play practice...
college final...
Christmas pictures....
Final paper....
Movie to watch for class..

Too much on my mind...
things I know
but cannot yet say..
things I feel
and do not understand...

Too much for one day!
and so I shall head to bed!
knowing that tomorrow
all that needs to be done will still be there,
all that needs to be said
will still be left to say,
all that happened
will however be
left behind in the day before!

and that is a start!