'It's complicated'

So..
I am officially
'in a relationship'.
We see each other exclusively,
we spent time together when we can...
we smile alot!:)

It seems commitment
for me
happens in levels..
I can say
I will not date anyone else
but it took a while
to say
I was 'dating' a specific person vs 'just friends'.
But,
I got there!

Now,
we joke about Facebook!
I am certainly listed
as single!
At some point
I will take the plunge
and change
the status
to
'in a relationship'..
but,
sometimes
'its complicated' seems to fit more!
The relationship
is easy!
The juggling act is not!
We both have kids
and they come first!
Then there
are the other half
of our families;
the kids parents..
and our friends..
and extended families...
and our jobs
and our hobbies..

just
'in a relationship'
after a divorce does
not seem
quite adequate!
maybe
there should be
a choice
of
"in a relationship in which we balance several plates".

If truth me told....
I wait on a bigger reason!
I am still learning
to have faith
that today
will look like yesterday!
That this will
not fall apart
tomorrow...
I am working
on that part!
and when I get there..
or at least
get further
in the process
then I am today
I think Face book
will be the first
to know!

Pain within Beauty??

I am falling...
Falling into hope..
Falling into the future...
and some days
Falling into fear!

I have gone into
my new stage of life
with eyes wide open!
I am aware of the warnings..
and aware of the realities!

But, thats not what scares me...
what scares me are the signs
you cannot see;
the future;
the day that it all falls apart!
The moment you fall from the clouds
into the dangerous river below!

And yet,
if I live
waiting for the pain,
I may not really
experience and enjoy
the beauty around me!

I can wait...
I can know..
I can expect...

Or I can accept!

I cannot see the future!
I cannot control
what shall be!!
I can live today
in this moment!
I can be fully present
in my reality...
and I can take each step
one at a time.

Today,
I choose
to turn off the voices in my head.
The ones that tell me
that:

Relationships
fail...
People leave..
Love hurts...

And instead
I shall
listen to the sound
of my heart beating,
and let its rythym lead the way!

I don't belong to you!

Dear shadow of broken trust,
I am no longer yours.
you held me in your grip
for long enough.
You stole my breathe
and haunted my dreams.
But, I am no longer yours.

You troubled my spirit
and hunted me
in my safe places.
But, I am no longer yours.

You stalked my footsteps
in the quiet of the dusk..
and interupted my peace
with your threats.
But, I am no longer yours.

You see,

Dear Shadow of hurt,
I have come to understand
that of the two of us,
I am the strongest!
Beneath your shell
of steel,
is weakness and fear.
You pray on those who are frail.
And for a while,

Dear Shadow of fear,
for a while..
I was frail
within your arms.
But, I am no longer yours.

I understand
that when your cold grip
of fear
reaches out and grabs my hand..
you will dissipate into the mist
when I stand my ground.
I have nothing to fear!
Because,
I am no longer yours!

And,

Dear Shadow of dark control,
In case you have ever wondered
just how powerful
your influence was...
how strong your
possession over my mind
might have been....

I was never actually yours to begin with.

Love,
A content, safe and strong Me!