moving towards a definition....

I do not know
what I want.
I understand that.
Its hard to want
what you never knew,
you did not have-
Its hard to define
what you have never known.

and so..
as I set out
on this journey..
I am not sure
if I am looking for a prince..
or a companion..
a friend..
or someone who
makes my heart quicken..
or some combination
of them all!

Do I want the friendship
that becomes more?
Do I want a movie worthy
love story?
Do I even believe
in fairy tale endings?
I do NOT know!

But, I am getting closer..
defining slowly
what I do not want.
and learning a little
more of what I do!

I know:
I do not want to
be pushed,
pressured,
or smothered!
But, nor do I want to
be brushed aside,
ignored,
tolerated....

What does that look like?
I am not sure!

I am not looking to get married...
any time soon.
I am not looking to blend
a family
that is working quite well...
not quickly..!!

But, I am hoping
at some point..
to move forward!

A gradual process
One that is slow moving
but, not still..

I would like one day
to be in a relationship...
a relationship
that may or may not lead
to forever...
but in which
2 people are safe and secure
in the moment of life
that they share!

And while getting to that point,
takes time....
I do not want to sacrifice
the moments...
if someone
is not looking for the same thing..

slow..
casual...
but
not stagnant...

cautious...
thorough..
but
purposeful...

I want to know
I am thought of..
I want to be a part
of something
bigger then I am..
I expect to feel
that time together
is anticipated...

no matter the stage,
I do not want to guess
at whether I am in it alone...

I want to enjoy the
journey...
knowing:
we are -for the moment- moving
in the same direction.

Its a start...
not yet a definition
of forever,
but it is no longer
a completely
blank canvas ...

moving forward...
inches at a time!