Thursday, June 23, 2011

Friend or foe....

I have started wondering
what type of friend I am
these days??

I KNOW there have
been seasons
when I was an awful friend..
often non-existent....
as I tried to survive my life.

but, now..
as I am healing..
and healthier..

why do I feel
that maybe..
I am still,
just NOT that good
of a friend!!

I think I retreated
into a cave
several years ago!
Like a bear
licking its wounds...
and I wonder,
have I really come out???

I have a FEW friends
that I see inconsistently often,
but I know that I could call
them at any time..
and the same for them!

I have a group of gals
that are my 'coffee' friends..
and we meet at least
monthly,
and FB in between.

I know MANY people...
and get moments to encourage
those in my shoes
sometimes...

and my BFF from high school
is still one of my
very best friends..
but we chat when we can...
not that often!

and I wonder???
why am I not doing more!!!

I love the woman in my life!
I am blessed to love
and be loved by many!

Why?
am I still in my cave!
Why do I only have
the few...
that I choose to see..
and choose rather to be
alone
then reach out
most of the other times!

Does this make me a bad friend?
or am I still finding my footing?

I am not really sure!
and I am not sure
where to start!
because when you boil
it down to the basics...
I am still
a single mom..
who works full time..
goes to college...
and manages my home
and 3 kids!

Is friendship the priority
when time is so limited??

you see...
I think it is!
and I think
its time..
for me to be a better friend!
and in the process
become a better,
more well rounded
me!

3 comments:

  1. I have found that it is easy to lose touch when you are struggling with your own thoughts. It is also easy to lose touch when you have to commit more than part time to the running of a household and the kids. Sometimes it is not YOU at all. It is that you just don't have the time or energy. As you are coming out on the other side, that should change.
    Personally, I tend to lose touch and hibernate a little more in the winter months here.
    A good start is, the next time you take a road trip with the kids, or attend an activity, pick up the phone and invite another to join you. They probably feel the same way you do about being a friend.

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  2. I've struggled with this one as well. When my relationship started to break down I immediately reached out and made new friends but, when I did I found I didn't have the time for them. I would come home from work tired. I would want me time. I would want to be alone.

    I guess we both need to try just a little bit harder.

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