WELL! that makes sense...

for many years
I did not date..
and I was content!

and then I dated a bit..
and have found myself restless!

Not in a hurry...

I understand the risks
and know the benefit
of a healthy foundation.
I also believe that children
change the time line..
and dynamics!
and should be carefully considered!
Rushing is not an option!

And yet..
I do look forward to that time
in my life
when a 'relationship' is defined...

However, the past 3 months
I have actually begun
to almost 'fret'..
I have found alone time
not as freeing!
I have wanted company
rather than solitude..
I have hoped for companionship
and avoided loneliness..

And I have wondered why?
what has changed!?
Why was I so content!
and now not as much!

and today-
I realized;

my season of life has changed!!
My children are all getting older!
I am a part of their lives..
but no longer the center!
They need me, of course..
but differently!!
They are content to be with friends..
or in their rooms..
as much as with me!
I am no longer their main focus..
and their activity director.
My son and middle daughter are BOTH
old enough to babysit....
life has changed!

I can go to the grocery store
without 3 children in tow..
I can run errands or even meet a friend-
and this is good.

and yet-
this has left a void.
I used to be so 'full'
with children's activities and needs..
now I am still busy..
and there are still ball games..
and sleep overs,
and chatting..
they do still need me-
but its different!
so different!

I have lost myself a little...
I looked to fill the void-
and assumed maybe another would be key!
someone to fill the alone time;
I tend to have.

And sure-
that will be nice!
but, that is not the goal!

the goal is to re-find my center..
and my contentment,
within my new season!
This will happen over and over
as my children grow..
4 years from now
my son leaves for college...
8 years from now
my youngest will do the same..
and there will be many
milestones along the way!
many times
I will loose my footing..
and many times I will
need to re-find me!!

NOT 'in' another..
maybe 'with' another;
maybe not!
regardless-
somewhere in me is the key!!

for now-
I am thinking
salsa lessons
might do the trick!!:)