reality bites....OK it aches...

Most days and moments
I am OK..
just me!
But, today I feel alone.
not lonely...alone.

I feel the ache of not
having someone
on 'your side'..
someone who whether they agree
or disagree
has sworn allegiance!
I am loved and supported by my family
and friends!
But, there is a whole other level
to feeling a part of a whole,
when some one CHOOSES you.
CHOOSES to love you!
CHOOSES to face hurdles with you!
CHOOSES to be your support.

When you face the bumps in life,
maybe a health scare,
maybe a fight with a friend,
maybe a fall out at work...
and you have no-one waiting at home
to say " WHAT??!!!NO!" :)
no-one to take your side JUST because its YOU!
I miss that!!
I miss someone who knows my heart and intentions
even when my actions or words
cause dissension..
someone who understands what I meant
even if its not what I said..
or did!

And so today,
I feel that ache!!
That ache as I face
some small bumps;
as an island unto myself..
that ache at not being
KNOWN..and HEARD..and LOVED
for me..
that ACHE that the one
who said they would do that
did not...

Its an ache that will not stay,
like the bumps I am facing
it will pass...
but its an ache that reminds me
how hurt I still am.
What a long way up the mountain
the path to healing is..
How far I have climbed
and yet how far from the top I still am.

And then I wonder,
maybe this is as high as I can go?
Maybe this is where I pitch my tent
and begin to accept
and grow
and grasp
that where I am
is where I am meant to be.
..for now..
And yes, it will ache in moments.
But, the alternative has hurt more.
and yes, at times I feel the despair
of facing life alone...
but, I can change that if I choose..
when and if I am ever ready.

And so I accept this moment for just that.
a moment.
I will focus on my FAITH..
Faith in my creator,
Faith in my future
and Faith in the HOPE
that the present resides within.