Tuesday, April 20, 2010

reality bites....OK it aches...

Most days and moments
I am OK..
just me!
But, today I feel alone.
not lonely...alone.

I feel the ache of not
having someone
on 'your side'..
someone who whether they agree
or disagree
has sworn allegiance!
I am loved and supported by my family
and friends!
But, there is a whole other level
to feeling a part of a whole,
when some one CHOOSES you.
CHOOSES to love you!
CHOOSES to face hurdles with you!
CHOOSES to be your support.

When you face the bumps in life,
maybe a health scare,
maybe a fight with a friend,
maybe a fall out at work...
and you have no-one waiting at home
to say " WHAT??!!!NO!" :)
no-one to take your side JUST because its YOU!
I miss that!!
I miss someone who knows my heart and intentions
even when my actions or words
cause dissension..
someone who understands what I meant
even if its not what I said..
or did!

And so today,
I feel that ache!!
That ache as I face
some small bumps;
as an island unto myself..
that ache at not being
KNOWN..and HEARD..and LOVED
for me..
that ACHE that the one
who said they would do that
did not
...

Its an ache that will not stay,
like the bumps I am facing
it will pass...
but its an ache that reminds me
how hurt I still am.
What a long way up the mountain
the path to healing is..
How far I have climbed
and yet how far from the top I still am.

And then I wonder,
maybe this is as high as I can go?
Maybe this is where I pitch my tent
and begin to accept
and grow
and grasp
that where I am
is where I am meant to be.
..for now..
And yes, it will ache in moments.
But, the alternative has hurt more.
and yes, at times I feel the despair
of facing life alone...
but, I can change that if I choose..
when and if I am ever ready.

And so I accept this moment for just that.
a moment.
I will focus on my FAITH..
Faith in my creator,
Faith in my future
and Faith in the HOPE
that the present resides within.

12 comments:

  1. (((HUGS))) I feel the exact. same. way. Sometimes it just plain sucks. period. Hope you feel better. At least we are half way through tuesday.. which means were almost halfway through our week! yay! :) That thought alone makes me smile.

    Keep that faith. God is good... ALL THE TIME!

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  2. Well said. The ache is real but so is the healing. Because if he's not going to give you ALL that you ache for, he's not the right one.

    Breeze

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  3. This post kind of reminds me of so many of David's Psalms where he starts out in despair and then leads himself straight to the Mighty God and rests in Him.

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  4. I remember all too well my "alone" days. The 10 long years I was alone, single parent. Those are tough days. *Hugs*

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  5. Oy. Heavy heart. Thank GOD we have hope.

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  6. Married or single one will have days of feeling alone.....I think they will make you stronger.......be well my young friend....Hugs

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  7. I understand. Somedays it would consume me. I have to focus on other things on those days. My heart hurts for you. I'm glad you have The Good Lord to lean on. He makes all things better!

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  8. Debbie you are not alone in this ache. I have been struggling with it for a few days now.

    I just keep reminding myself that God has me in this place of aloneness (my made up word) so that I can grow with Him. So that I can grow in general.

    I agree that hike up the mountain of healing is so long. I want to pitch a tent and give up at times also. He seems to give me gentle reminders to keep me going.


    Hugs

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  9. Blessings to you precious sister in Christ. I have an award for you on my blog if you want it.

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  10. I totally understand how you feel. I've had moments like this. Over time, I came to this belief - If you want to feel a part of a whole, you can't demand love be sent to you. That's the ego demanding attention. But what you can choose to do in any moment is give love unconditionally. Then you are part of that whole. The universe is one song. We are all one.

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  11. Beautiful. Acceptance creates miracles, you know?

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