Saturday, April 10, 2010

isolating our vulnerability...

many months and months ago
when I was alone on the weekends
I was lonely..
I wished I had someone to spent time with..
someone to do things with!

That passed..
I hope one day the feeling returns,
but for now
I am happy alone.

But, what I miss?
someone to talk to..
someone who knows what the day held
and cares about my fears and hurts..
someone to cheer me on
and encourage me as I try new things.

I see that in this area
I am vulnerable..
It might be good..
it might be bad.
I will never ultimately let anyone in
unless I have a need or desire
for something they offer...

As I biked alone today
and wished I could tell someone
about the silly things that happened..
and wished even deeper
that some one knew where I was..
I realised that for me
thats whats missing..
someone who takes ownership of me.

age old desire...
some one to love me..
like me..
want me..
for now,
I just miss someone
who knows me...

so the age old dilema commences..
how do you fill the void
without falling into an unhealthy trap.

As always,
I walk this and learn..
no answers just assumptions
and hits and misses..
but I feel for now
that finding new challenges,
doing new things,
meeting new people,
and sharing commonalities
with others
will be the key
to being healthy
and staying healthy...

until the shift happens
and I am known and loved
by one who chooses to be beside me..
and accepts me
and who takes ownership in all the right ways
of my heart and deepest parts of my soul..

Until then its just me..
and it up to me to face this,
over come it
and triumph...

But,I am not alone,
I have my faith!
I have my family!
I have my friends!
and I have determination
that reminds me;
'going backwards is NOT an option'..
thats enough..
thats everything!

11 comments:

  1. And you have your blogging buddies who think you're terrific and admire you for all you're doing to get through this experience! Cheers!

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  2. I think you look to surround yourself with people of character and believe and know that only good people will come into your life..I like being part of a couple and I was a single mom for a while, for me, it was someone I already knew, whose character I was already aware of and admired and someone I had never considered before. We've known each other our entire lives, grew up together, he dated all my friends, I dated his and then...years and years later he's my best friend and we've been together as a couple for almost 9 years. Look around, perhaps someone is watching and hoping. You so deserve love in your life. If I had a single brother I'd introduce you in a heartbeat!

    Breeze

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  3. You are a real inspiration for all the young single mothers ...... one day your prince will come and your heart will recognize him....Hugs

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  4. Yes...we are here rooting you on. Fully engaged in your life and loving it. Time alone can be a good thing and there will be a time when someone will walk into your life and make his presence known. Then starts a whole new way of thinking about your life. Sigh! It never ends.
    Hugs
    SueAnn

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  5. Yes Debbie, you have us and I have you too! Your loves, your hates, your hurts, your tears. I 've been through it too and we seem to be going through the same now. Your blog help me to feel that I am not alone. You are indeed an encouraging factor in my current state. Blessings to you and kids.

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  6. it's your cousin. Really enjoy reading your blog from time to time. Love your writing style too. Thanks for taking the time to share!

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  7. Oh Debbie, I so hear what you are saying. I want someone to quietly watch TV with or jump in the car for a spontaneous adventure to nowhere. I want someone to take out the garbage and take me out to dinner. I do not want to be alone and am learning slowly that it is not so bad to be alone. I have my family and friends, but that something else is... maybe, hopefully out there when I am ready. I think it is wonderful that you are so comfortable in your own skin Deb. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. I joined your fan page! :) I'm going to add you to my fan page's "favorite pages" right now :)

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  9. And you have us! Tell us about all of that.

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