Thursday, April 22, 2010

same old...same new

For 16 months
I could tell you
on any given day..
how many months
and how many days
it had been
since I left my short-lived
but toxic

It was so traumatic
and dark
and lonely
that I could still remember
the fear
and the abyss of the unknown,
that I faced that night.

And then the other day
I said to myself
"wait, has it been 16 or 17 months?"
and I had to do the math!
WOW!!! I am letting it go..
Letting go of that dark night!
Letting go of the weekend that followed.
Letting go of facing an event
with no inner strength or confidence,
just complete determination.
Letting go of the enormous burden I felt
in protecting myself and my family
without any plan as to what that would look like...
I realized in the moment
of doing 'the math'
that finally,
I was starting to let it go!

and then a few weeks later
the 17th month anniversary arrived.
I looked at the date
often that day
but it did not register
until that night
what day it was.
What it meant.

The hold is loosening,
the power of fear
loosing its grip..
the past is becoming just that.
My strength in the present
is greater then the prison
of the past.

and it no longer matters..
1 year,
13 months,
16 months,
or now 17..
I am free!!

And slowly the freedom
is invading my heart
and my soul..
and its no longer a word
or a prayer!
It has become my utter and complete
state of being!


  1. Freedom! That's where you are! what a feeling :)


    I'm intuiting something about you...have you met "someone?" or is there "someone" you are considering? You don't have to answer...I just suddenly got the impression that there is a special someone nearby...or just ignore me..I'm weird sometime ;)


  2. :) no..not yet..maybe what you feel is the fact that I am SLOWLY becoming more open to the idea..and tonight went to a social outing for the first time ALONE! I did not meet anyone but its a start..I might have! maybe next time, you know??

  3. I pray that one day I can have this same sense of freedom as well!

    :) You are brave!

  4. I love that you are moving forward, do not carry too many expectations, just go out and have fun, let life happen and I promise it will be good.......:-) Hugs

  5. What a wonderful feeling when you realize that being "you"; free and unencumbered is okay. Sweet!! Become your own best friend and your biggest cheerleader. Then each day will be filled with joy and anticipation. Congrats on your outing! That is super!

  6. Happy Friday Follow!


  7. Freedom is good! Enjoy it and live life to the fullest!!! Visiting from Friday Follow to wish you a great weekend!


  8. That is great. It is so refreshing to let go of painfull thoughts.

  9. I couldn't imagine being a single mom (although I feel like it sometimes!) I'm glad you are healing!

    Thanks for the follow, I am following you back.

    Jacki (I'm a Mom)

    What's a Mom to Do?

    Please check out my other blogs here:

    Diary of a Fat Chick

    My Health Quest

  10. Glad you are healing. hang in there

  11. I'm friday following you. Thank you for the follow and the comment. That post tugged at my heart and sounded so familar (myself).
    I didn't know there was one caled A Woman After God'd Own Heart! Thanks!

  12. Debbie, sounds like a very positive thing. You are moving on. Kudos to you. Blessings to you and your family.

  13. Hi,
    Thank-you for the Friday Follow.
    I am following you now too.
    It is very nice to meet you.
    Please let me know if you have any questions.
    Take Care.

  14. This is wonderful, Debbie. To feel free--more and more and more--is so healing. I am happy to hear that you are at this point.