Further along then I thought...

Today my mom and I have spent the day
clearing out a trailer
that was packed
a year ago...

I came across journals
and reminders
of the life I fled!

I think I may focus some on that time..
in my next few posts.

The time in which I remarried
believing I had found forever..
and instead found
a life I never expected,
a nightmare I could not wake up from.

It is significant;
as how I got there
matters...
but why I left matters more!

And in reading the journals
written before I left...
I realized that I had begun to get it!
I had begun to realize
that my dignity and humanness
were not up for sale..
that the treatment I was receiving
at the hands
of someone who claimed to love me
was not OK!
I had begun to grasp
my worth!

and as I read those entries..
I felt even more hope then before!
It has not taken me a year to get strong...
it has taken me a year to discover
that I was already strong!
That I had already decided
my course,
that I will not repeat that past
because I had already begun to dismantle it!

A relief to know,
the journey started
before I even realized I was going anywhere.

OK..so.... next....

So what do you do when you hit the wall??
you climb it...
what do you do when you are buried under it?
you dig out!

I dug my way out!
Yes, sometimes life stinks!!
Yes, sometimes it is hard!
and I think its OK to cry!
Its OK to take a moment, or an hour, or a day
and feel sad and down!
BUT, the next step is a choice!
Do you stay there?
or do you start digging your way out!
and if the answer is dig out..
then how??

For me,
in this journey,
I have found;
sharing with friends is a big factor in digging out
or climbing over!
sharing with Family, friends, and my facebook and bloggy friends
has had a huge impact on my heart!
Support and encouragement make a huge difference!
BUT, no-one will know you need the support
if you don't tell someone you are drowning!
Yelling "HELP" I cannot do this another moment..
is normally the first step in realizing
you really have what it takes to do this as long as it takes..
because when the answers to your heart cry come back
the encouragement is a balm for your soul,
and a motivator for your attitude
and you will begin to see the light
and feel anxious to get there!
Sharing my heart...
being open about my hurt...
has been the second greatest healer
in my journey from brokeness to wholeness!

The first, is my faith!
The first, is my Lord!
The first is the one who has carried me on his shoulders
and who still has not put me down....