Further along then I thought...

Today my mom and I have spent the day
clearing out a trailer
that was packed
a year ago...

I came across journals
and reminders
of the life I fled!

I think I may focus some on that time..
in my next few posts.

The time in which I remarried
believing I had found forever..
and instead found
a life I never expected,
a nightmare I could not wake up from.

It is significant;
as how I got there
matters...
but why I left matters more!

And in reading the journals
written before I left...
I realized that I had begun to get it!
I had begun to realize
that my dignity and humanness
were not up for sale..
that the treatment I was receiving
at the hands
of someone who claimed to love me
was not OK!
I had begun to grasp
my worth!

and as I read those entries..
I felt even more hope then before!
It has not taken me a year to get strong...
it has taken me a year to discover
that I was already strong!
That I had already decided
my course,
that I will not repeat that past
because I had already begun to dismantle it!

A relief to know,
the journey started
before I even realized I was going anywhere.