Saturday, November 21, 2009

How long is a year?

Today marks the anniversary
of the day I left..
and turned my back on
the saddest, most oppressive, most demeaning and hurtful situation I have ever been in...
I have relived that night in my blog..
it was truly the worst night of my life!
And so, on this significant date
I will instead reflect on all that has come to pass!

One year ago I left..
with no plan!
I will be eternally grateful to those
who paved the way
with a moments notice,
for me to be safe and free!
I did not know where I would live..
where I would work...
how I would survive!
I was scared to death!!!!

one year later...
The kids and I live in a wonderful little home..
we have a big backyard,
a fireplace
(that we use in ANY weather!!!)
family pets...
used but good furniture...
its eclectic..
NOTHING matches!
ITS quirky as all get out!
Its EVERYTHING my home should be!
And when I walk outside in the mornings...
I breathe in the air
and I know that I am free..
sometimes I worry about bills...
I do not have a lot..
but I have a place
for my children and I..
provided, not by someone
who expects my soul..
but instead by my hard work!

One year later....
I have a job I love...
I teach little ones!
something I was born to do!
I have always loved children!
Always loved to teach!
And Always loved to nurture!
Ideally I wanted to spend my lifetime homeschooling my children..
that was not the plan for my life!
So instead I get to love on others children.
They are part of my heart...
and I would not choose to do anything else!
If I must be a working mom..
and I must..
I am doing what I love!!

One year later..
I am 3 weeks away
from completing the classes I need for a 2 year certification
needed in my field!
There is a little more left in the process
but I am almost there!
6 months of school
for 2 nights a week..
while working full time..
and raising 3 kids..
no small feat!
But, I did it!

One year later..
I have started counseling!
I have begun to learn how to say no.
or at least recognize when I should have said no!
I have started becoming who I want to be
rather then who I think I should be!
I have had not one moment of regret for leaving!
My regret is getting in the situation to begin with!
and through counseling I am learning
how to make sure
it never happens again!

On year later..
I have yet to go on a date!
and I have yet to desire to go on a date!
I have been asked..
and I have considered...
and yet know I am not ready!
I am where I want to be,
and for now that is very single!

One year later..
my children are thriving..
great grades in school..
all involved in outside activities...
all have friends..
(or in my sons case..the introvert..he knows some people he likes!:) its a start!)
they love their church,
they see their dad,
they are normal kids
with normal issues..
and thats the best part!
There is no longer dysfunction and fear!
Their life is normal...
their mother happy..stressed sometimes..but happy!
They are free to just live and be kids...

On year later...
I am participating in a church dinner theater,
something I enjoy!
I walk and sometimes run!
when I choose!
I am a vegetarian
most of the time vegan..
something that feeds my soul
and convictions!
I have a best friend!
I have old DEAR friends!
I have new GOOD friends!
I have SADLY lost some friends!
But, my personal life
is rich and full!

One year later...
above all..
I am relearning to trust
and rely on
my savior and Lord!!
I have been protected and carried
by Jesus..
through the storm!
He has taught me that no mistake
is to big for him to forgive or restore..
that no hurt is to big for him to heal!
He has loved me completely!

One year later..
I am safe in his arms..
I am free of the fear!


  1. You are my hero! Happy, happy, HAPPY Anniversary!!!! I hope it's the first many, many more!! xo

  2. Debbie are we clones, what you just reflected is exactly the same of what I went through and my feelings at each stage.

    We will work it out, together with OUR LORD!

    Hugs and blessings

  3. Happy Anniversary! Wishing you many more years of freedom and happiness!

  4. Wow are you blessed! And I am SO SO SO proud of you!!! Love you!

  5. Debbie, you sound great. Congratulations on a huge growth year! It's and I are about on the same time track. Can't believe all the changes, difficulties, and progress that has occured with my little girl and me in the last year. All worth it though. I found your blog through ZenMom, who's great. Look forward to following your journey. Documenting mine at Take a look when you can. Added you to my list of "Good Reads" Hope that's ok.

  6. Sounds like 1 year has been a very good start for you. Keep it up.