life goes on..and on...,

so..life is just..life!
NOTHING big
NOTHING small!
and thats the great part of my post!!

Its amazing to me
as life goes on..
and I get further from the hurt
and fear
and drama....
how normal life becomes...
even the abnormal is normal!
Kids being sick, normal!
Kids being healthy, normal!
Long work day, normal!
Great work day, normal!
Stressful afternoon , normal!
peaceful afternoon, normal!
This is life...
it continues...
and a life lived out loud...
a life lived out of the shadows,
a life lived with freedom and peace...
is a beautiful , NORMAL , thing!
I LOVE NORMAL!

Not lonely..lacking purpose

I realised something important..
I have been thinking about why
sometimes I love being alone
and sometimes I feel sad alone.

I thought that meant I was lonely,
and Yet my heart ache is so fresh
that the desire to start new
is non-existant!

I have a very supportive family
3 wonderful children
and am blessed with the most amazing friends..
so, lonely did not seem to fit!

I know what it is!
When I am productive I have purpose!
I know my place
my role
where I fit in the world.
After a day at work,
I get my kids,
I manage my home
and prepare for the next day...
when alone time comes it is welcomed!
It has a purpose;
to refresh
relax.....regain strength to do it all over again!

When I am heading somewhere,
meeting someone..
planning something...
I have a plan!
My footing is sure!

The sadness?
its more a feeling of being lost!
Not lonely,
but we are not taught the difference.
We assume we are lonely and look to fill the void..
with someone..
when instead we feel lost
because we are unsure
in the moment
of our purpose
and should look to fill the void
with something instead..
even understanding!

Expecting the feeling..
knowing that an aimless sunday
when the kids are at their dads,
friends are busy,
work is done...
will bring a loss of direction;

I will not be caught of gaurd!
I can learn to over come it,
and I believe I will..
but in the meantime I can beat it..
plan around it..
or just meet it head on!
But I will know which feeling has overcome me
and not mistake it for another..

the first step for me
in not repeating mistakes
of the past!