I realised something important..
I have been thinking about why
sometimes I love being alone
and sometimes I feel sad alone.
I thought that meant I was lonely,
and Yet my heart ache is so fresh
that the desire to start new
I have a very supportive family
3 wonderful children
and am blessed with the most amazing friends..
so, lonely did not seem to fit!
I know what it is!
When I am productive I have purpose!
I know my place
where I fit in the world.
After a day at work,
I get my kids,
I manage my home
and prepare for the next day...
when alone time comes it is welcomed!
It has a purpose;
relax.....regain strength to do it all over again!
When I am heading somewhere,
I have a plan!
My footing is sure!
its more a feeling of being lost!
but we are not taught the difference.
We assume we are lonely and look to fill the void..
when instead we feel lost
because we are unsure
in the moment
of our purpose
and should look to fill the void
with something instead..
Expecting the feeling..
knowing that an aimless sunday
when the kids are at their dads,
friends are busy,
work is done...
will bring a loss of direction;
I will not be caught of gaurd!
I can learn to over come it,
and I believe I will..
but in the meantime I can beat it..
plan around it..
or just meet it head on!
But I will know which feeling has overcome me
and not mistake it for another..
the first step for me
in not repeating mistakes
of the past!