Sunday, March 15, 2009

better? going backwards? or part of the process...?

I am struck by so much these days
I am struck by the fact
that healing a hurt
is physical!
That who I am today
is 'healthier' then 4 months ago
in a visible, physical, emotional and phsychological way!

I am also struck by the fact
that as healthy as I feel,
I have so far to go

Sometimes I wonder..
will I ever get past the 'moments'
of memories that hurt?
Will I always hear a song that strikes a chord-
and be taken back
even for a moment?

I am struck by all this
because I no longer grieve the past.
I no longer regret the path my life took,
I no longer long for what is no more -
So why do I still remember so vividly?

I cry for the past
even though my present is peaceful!
I cry for the memories
and I cry for the pain.

But I relish the future
and I walk with purpose towards it...

But, as I do,
I realize-
That always
there will be moments
in which I will look back....
and I will remember
and I will hurt for a minute...
Then I will lift my chin
take a step,
and once again walk away
from the past-
and towards the hope
the future holds!


  1. You are so strong..4 months is such a small amount of time..imagine..4 more months..not so long yet so much more healed and strengthened..there are not steps backwards..just memories of moments and the need to release the anquish so that we can move on in a healthy way...until the cries move further and further apart and then are no more.


  2. That past is part of what made you who you are- it's not really over- as it is now a part of you!
    You'll will carry it with you- smiling at the good memories, learning great lessons from the bad ones.

  3. There will be moments, always, like you said, where you look back on what has passed. The difference is you will look back with less pain and hurt as time moves on.

  4. keep breathing and looking will come to you xx

  5. The past shapes you and morphs you into who you are right at this very second. Don't forget the past, just go with it and smile knowing how strong you are now!!

    Great post!!!

  6. Ouch. I cannot comment on the hearts of the men in your life. But you know how I feel about them. I pray one day you will know the soul of a really good man. Even as just a friend. The hearts of some men are good.
    Gosh, I am still so mad!