Monday, March 9, 2009

redefining family

My blog is my journal...
as I face new things I write them here!
One day I will forget..
or one day someone will ask..
and I will have this to refer too..
memories to reference!

Tonight what is on my mind is redefining 'family'.
When you are married , 'family' means ALL of you,
hubby, you and kiddos!
And often planned family occasions are put off
until you can all be together!
BBQs are weekend affairs!
Nice restaurants are visited when all are able to go together..
Dinners outside or by candlelight
are reserved for those special gatherings
when all of you can be there!

As a married woman,
alot revolved around 'the man'!
(NOT A BAD THING!) there is NO man...
So now,
Dinners by candelight are me and the kids!
Restuarant dinners are an occasion planned by me alone
Family is redefined!

Tonight as I sat outside with my children
and we enjoyed the weather
and dinner on the porch
and I mourned, for a moment, what this USED to look like
and I remembered for a minute, what this WOULD have been
and then I looked around MY table
at my 3 children
and realised;

this is it baby!
Its on you!
You are their family

They are yours!

These moments are mine to claim
and If I don't claim them...
no one else will!

Family has been redefined!
Now, I have to step up to the task
create those memories
and moments
around MY family table.....


  1. Debbie, family is what one makes it. I'm married, but we're not all 'family'. We're a blended family, but it's not 'family', all of us, unfortunately. Sounds crazy, but the Brady Bunch was TV - not real life. I'm still family with my kids, but not necessarily my husband with both my kids and not me with all of his kids. Complicated, I know. But, I love my husband and I love my kids and they all know it and that is what matters.

    My advice...just be family with your kids and enjoy it to the fullest.

  2. Sounds like you are figuring it all out Debbie! Aren't the moments like that empowering to you as a woman? I find that if anything came out of being a single parent was the realisation that I, Me, Alone, can do anything!!! I am woman hear me roar! lol

    Congratulations on your beautiful family!


  3. Try not to idealize what "was" Deb. It's a hard thing not to do. But I remember it much differently...Absenteeism was the name of the game before. You were alone more than together, literally and figuratively. This redefining will be your first taste of real family life because even though you FEEL broken, you are more whole than before. There is an honesty and truth to your life now where there was none before. You ROCK my friend. and your FAMILY does too!