I know I am grieving..
I just wonder which stage I am in
One divorce sucks you dry and breaks you, what does two do??
I guess I will find out as I go...
I missed not a person
but a relationship
the person you call about the stuff
no-one else gets!!
It made me sad...
and so now I am dissecting my grief
5 stages of grief;
stage 1 ) denial
I lived that! I remember VIVIDLY being in my room ;
when my husband of 15 years had left..
and my world had rocked off its foundation!
I remember thinking
' we will be fine! its us!! It will work out'.
It did not! it was not fine...
Stage 2) anger
This might be one I have to revisit here and there! I have had moments..
but I tend to forgive and move through anger
and sometimes that is not as healthy as it sounds!
BUT, I did do my share towards the end of yelling
and crying and accusing...
and being angry!
So..I don't think I am stuck here...
just maybe I did not stay there long enough..
I am through this...
of all stages this one brings the least 'self -respect'
This one can cause me to cringe
of truelly being willing to do whatever it would take..
and this one makes me grateful the bargaining did not work!
This stage is over!
Stage 4) Letting Go
I think in some ways I am still here in this stage..a little...
I think thats what hurts like today are about...
I have let got of the love and devotion...
I have let go of the future
and the plans and the goals..
to some degree I have released the memories
BUT some how...I still hold on....just a bit
to the place in my heart
that is empty...
I hold on...just a bit...
to what it was to be loved
And sometimes...I hold on... Just a bit..
to the feeling
of knowing I was not alone...
So, AS I work through this
and accept this I know
where in the journey I am.
and the next stage
Stage 5) acceptance...
is just around the corner
waiting for me with open arms!