Monday, November 29, 2010

When does this get easier

in a new place!
figured it would be simple!
girl meets boy!
they like each other!
they date!

Only its not!

because nothing to me
is simple!

Things are good..
nice, sweet!

and yet
my heart is
fearful and jaded!
If I get too close..
I run!
If we see each other too much
I pull away..
if the future is mentioned...
I freak!~

I have spoken to other
who were hurt
like me!
They deal with the same thing!
all in different degrees!
Some run too far away,
some run too fast towards...
some are always on edge,
and some just never seem
to be OK alone!
but we all
with the hurts
in some form!

for me...
I have to find that place
that allows me
to move forward
at a pace
that does not disrupt
the precious
balance in my life!
While still preserving
the goodness
in the relationship!

Because it is good...
for now,
for this moment..
the fears are not
based on what is!
the fears are based
on what might be!

The running is not from
a person..
but an idea..!

and the reality is;
I cannot change it!

Instead I must
slowly grow into
this new state of being!

On my terms,
in my time...

I just hope
that one day..
it will not feel
so hard
to let go
and just simply


  1. If you do figure out when it gets easier, let me know, please.

  2. It all takes time and trust and patience. As Diane said..."Time is a good thing"!

  3. Awww...Deb, I can totally understand your uneasiness. I also freak when any form of future together is mentioned. I don't know if it is beacause he's not the right guy, or if I would react to anyone this way. Dating is not "simple", by no means. I had to laugh when you called your life balanced. HAHA! Since when????

    You know, as long as he's willing to move at YOUR's good. Pressure is NOT OK! So, enjoy the holidays having someone special to cuddle with in front of the fire. :)

  4. I am sure that one day, the new and scary will become the way it always was. Hang in there. Good things are in store. It will get easier