less is so much more..

As a single mom,
I am learning day by day
that I need so much less
then I ever thought!

I remember in years;
and what feels like lifetimes,
past..
looking to move
and having a list of things
that were needed
in a home..
walk in closets,
garden tubs,
sidewalks,
neighborhoods,
pantrys,
storage..
yada yada yada!
and at the time..
they mattered!

But, now?
now..
we have no tub...
and we have very little storage
and we have no sidewalks
and we have few closets let alone one we can walk in!
But, I am taking it a step further,
We live in a 3 bedroom home.
I have 3 kids.
and all of these kids
want a place of their own.
and guess what?
I have a place of my own.
its my home...
it my kids...
they are my heart!
My room?
walls surrounding a bed...
to my daughter a haven!
to me?
a simple good bye!

I am not doing any thing special..
I am moving to the pull out couch
to buy some peace..
I am giving my girls
their own rooms..
space for their things...
room to be individuals...
control in an out of control life...
stability in a confusing world.
so simple..so big..such a luxury..
but one, of few, that I can provide!

Doing this is not such a big deal..
mothers give up things daily for their children,
they give their lives..
their souls..
this is just a bed!

Its not about the action,
its about the realization;
we are surrounded by so much
that means so little.
and yet what we give and share
is what brings us peace.
its the moments we give away
and cause a smile
that feel like home in our hearts.

Downsizing has never felt so wonderful..
nor brought me more joy!
and ultimately I hope, more joy for the two little girls
I love so much who can now 'poster' away their rooms!:)
being a 'single mom'
feels really good right now!:)

priorities? or just choices?

today..
I am tired,
more tired then yesterday
and probably less tired then tomorrow.

today..
I am behind on housework,
more so then yesterday
and less then tomorrow...

this seems to be the way it is..
in order to do what I need to,
or want to..
something has to give.

I wonder sometimes
if the kids are in too much..
they play a sport
(its a 8 week season..a church team)
they are in theater
(they recieved scholarships..such a blessing!)
son does scouts and robotics
(this is where HE finds his Niche..in an out of sync life)
but, what do you give up?
where do you cut back?
I have THREE kids!
they even share activities..
(all in theater..all in the same sport..)
I want them to have this...
and yet..
in moments,
it feels to much!

and then there's me..
my main actvities are WORK,
church , and family!
Now I am getting back to working out..
but that hour a day,
is an hour that could be spent else where?
but should it??

I know that as a mom...
a working mom..
a working single mom..
this is a cycle of life I will question often!
and sometimes..
it seems to flow quite well.
and sometimes,
the laundry is piled..
the yard a mess...
the floors needs mopping..
the dog needs a bath...
the toilet..well..yuck..
and it seems too much!

UNTIL tomorrow..
when it will be more..
but my perspective will be different..
and that makes ALL the difference in the world;
or at least the day!
and for now, thats enough!:)

Parenting pitfalls single..

OK !Thats a mouthful!
BUT, I find single parenting exhausting..
and yes this has surprised me!
Heres why..
I was a stay at home, home schooling mom
for 11 years.
I was pretty much it when it came to
rules, enforcement, schooling, ect..
their dad was often gone..
sometimes school...
sometimes work..
sometimes play...
but often gone!
I sometimes felt single married..
and yet...its different!

then yesterday I got it!
ONE of those 'aha' moments!
When it is just you..
just one...
your kids know you.
They know your weakness..
your buttons..
your inconsistancies..
your empty threats.
They know your threshhold..
and so, as yours is the only threshhold
that now comes into play..
you are always being pushed there!
When there is another body in the home..
their threshhold is different..
and probably on different things!
So some things are moot and you are never
even close to your threshhold
and the other 'adult' already hit theirs..
and your kids know it!
some things are balanced
and your children are thrown off
just a bit
as to who might be pushed too far..
because there are 2 grown ups to figure out!

But one??
easy for them to divide and conquer!
and so they know..
how far is too far,
but they will meet you at that line
each and every time..
and I only just got this!

I have a game plan:)
I have not surrendered...
and I understand that life..
parenting...
is about growing with your circumstances..
my children have changed...
I must change to meet the circumstances.
I must become what they need
and find the solid footing
that I need...

and I must learn to say what I say..
mean what I mean..
because they smell my weakness
and go for the kill....

ok..slightly dramatic! LOL!!
its tough tho...