OK !Thats a mouthful!
BUT, I find single parenting exhausting..
and yes this has surprised me!
Heres why..
I was a stay at home, home schooling mom
for 11 years.
I was pretty much it when it came to
rules, enforcement, schooling, ect..
their dad was often gone..
sometimes school...
sometimes work..
sometimes play...
but often gone!
I sometimes felt single married..
and yet...its different!
then yesterday I got it!
ONE of those 'aha' moments!
When it is just you..
just one...
your kids know you.
They know your weakness..
your buttons..
your inconsistancies..
your empty threats.
They know your threshhold..
and so, as yours is the only threshhold
that now comes into play..
you are always being pushed there!
When there is another body in the home..
their threshhold is different..
and probably on different things!
So some things are moot and you are never
even close to your threshhold
and the other 'adult' already hit theirs..
and your kids know it!
some things are balanced
and your children are thrown off
just a bit
as to who might be pushed too far..
because there are 2 grown ups to figure out!
But one??
easy for them to divide and conquer!
and so they know..
how far is too far,
but they will meet you at that line
each and every time..
and I only just got this!
I have a game plan:)
I have not surrendered...
and I understand that life..
parenting...
is about growing with your circumstances..
my children have changed...
I must change to meet the circumstances.
I must become what they need
and find the solid footing
that I need...
and I must learn to say what I say..
mean what I mean..
because they smell my weakness
and go for the kill....
ok..slightly dramatic! LOL!!
its tough tho...
I was like you... single but married. But I have only one and I know that's easier! You'll get the hang of it... and the kids will, too... xo
ReplyDeleteThat was my 'AHA' moment.
ReplyDeleteWhen My ex left me, I thought I would never make it. that things would fall apart with him..
But then I realized, I WAS the one doing it all, I was the one who was always there for the house, the kids, I also worked, I paid the bills, and he just existed.
I was already doing it all. I didnt need him and neither do you.
hang in there. The kids know.
You're right...they DO smell weakness!
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great though.
You have hit the nail on the head with this one. It is true, one parent to conquer is much easier than two. No idle threats or promises. Stick to you guns and stay in control. Adjust your leadership/parenting to the maturity of the group and individuals. Your parenting style should be fluid and at the same time consistent and not done to meet your convenience.
ReplyDeleteIt's SO true! They know exactly what to do to push your buttons! Stay strong!
ReplyDelete