Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Letting go!!

Tonight...
the past and the present collided!
This has been 6 months
of emotions..
good and bad!
It has been a journey
of trails and triumphs...

It has been a journey back..
and a look forward!
Tonight the closure came...
The man whom owned my heart...
The man who then broke my heart...
Who is also the father of our 3 children..
was over tonight to help my son...

A converstation started..
as many post divorce conversations can go...
it got a bit heated...
and then it got deep...
tears were shed..
anger expressed...
truth exposed,
from both sides!
I learnt things I did not know..
I learnt frustrations I caused..
and I shared reactions to things I felt were
done to me....
Some of what was shared
was normal in marraige..
and the saddest part
is maybe, just maybe, it could have been
dealt with in marraige...
some of what was shared
was the death of feelings and hope
on both sides...
Some was hurt from the past..
Some hurt from the present..
Some was known by each...
and Some came as a surprise..
Some intentional..
Some not....
But all of it brought closure I believe!
I am sad, and I am hurt!
In truth....I am deeply heart broken....
I wish things had happened differently..
I wish that maybe we WERE meant to be..
or maybe we had never happened to begin with...
OR maybe I just wish that this pain will pass
and I will just be glad for the moments..
and blessed by the kids...
and will harbor only memories..
no regrets!

I guess thats what the journey is..
the moments you wish had never happened..
the moments you can't imagine living without...
and the moment when you realize both serve their purpose
and all the moments hold a place in your heart...

And so it is time..
it is time to let go..
time to truelly move on...
knowing deeply now
that hope was never mine to hold..
that the past is viewed by each alone..
And that no amount of words
will change the hurt...
on either part..
and no amount of understanding
will take away the sadness...
but in time..
in time...
in time....
letting go begins...
Today, I feel that my letting go...
began.....

4 comments:

  1. You are still in my prayers-- I've been there. Some of that anger and wondering will always be but much of it will heal over time. Time heals all wounds and time wounds all heals. Trust that God is leading you, confess to Him any fault you find in yourself and the others involved. Then don't let the guilt envelop you. Be free. You are human and you feel with depth all that is happening to you. He is supernatural and His love is deeper than your pain but He still feels what you feel and reaches out His arms to you. Allow that to envelop you. Tell Him everything, the good, the bad and the horrible. He knows anyway. I'm glad you are trying to let go. It's so painful. My heart goes out to you.

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  2. Then today is a great day for you.

    You are much stronger and smarter than you think.

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  3. healing, one day at a time is what this is. try not to live in the 'what could have been'.
    Live for today and look forward to the new tomorrow.
    Hang in there. You have three babies who love you more than anything in their world.

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  4. Feeling a sense of closure is so valuable. I'm happy for you that you got some.

    I agree that you should keep looking forward. The best is yet to come.

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