Wednesday, May 6, 2009

a birthday.. sad and happy at the same time

My son..
my first born..
turns 12 tomorrow!

I remember clearly
the day I knew I was pregnant..
I remember just as clearly the day
I knew I would be holding my baby ...

I always think back
on birthday eve's
to all the birthdays past..
but most of all
to the 'birthday' that changed my life.

I am so grateful for the memories..
grateful for my son..
excited about the day I will have tomorrow
with him..
as he plays hooky from school..
and I from work
to have a day..just us...

I am proud of who he is!
The man he is becoming.
I love his heart
and his spirit..
I am touched by his weakness
and amazed at his strengths!

I love being his mom!
and all these emotions
are housed within my heart..

But also, within the walls of my heart
beats the emotion of sadness...
at knowing that these memories
are now only mine..
the 'remember when'
is now for me to tell..
not share.
Because the only witness to the memory..
the only 'other' in the story..
chose to walk away..
and leave me on these birthday eve's
alone in my memories
of the day I became a mom!


  1. I wonder if he shouldn't read your blog. I wonder if he actually knows what he did. I wonder that it might prevent another heartbreak in the future.

    Meanwhile, you seem to be stronger by the day. You should be truly proud of what you are doing. The "Ideal" is what it is now, on that image from the past.

    Your journey is very really should look into helping others through in some way..maybe a book for other moms in the same situation.


  2. Perfect way to spend his day! Just the two of you!
    Hope it was great for you both

  3. Your son sounds great. Happy birthday to him! And hooray for you for letting him play hookie. Have fun

  4. I don't think your hurt will ever go away. Diminish, certainly.....but I really see you "blooming where God has planted you."

  5. It is sad sometimes not having those memories to share with someone, isn't it? But I think it makes your bond with your child even more special in a way.

    Hope you had a great day with your son!