yesterday I blogged about my counseling session...
I was given homework
and it all had to do with respect!
I have been stumped..
as I do not believe I have low self esteem...
so how do I not respect myself?
and yet I am beginning to learn
that you can like yourself
and not respect your self..
and while I am still stumped
on the respect...
(the homework assignment is what can I do to begin showing respect to myself?)
or something along those lines..
I have had all these other 'light bulb' moments!
A big one
is the realization that I am afraid to make the wrong decision!
I am almost paralyzed
in my concern
that my choice will not be the right choice!
So, I take polls among friends and family..
I worry and waver...
and wait until the answer is impossible to argue with!
Certainly not on everything in my life...
but within my relationships , for sure....
Which leads to the second 'light bulb';
I do this because I want to please those around me..
and more importantly I want them to think well of me!
This was a sort of a shocker to me..
I know I am a 'people pleaser'
but I always thought of this as a 'giving' trait..
I don't want to upset anyone, ect,
BUT NO...
I think its a fear of people not LIKING me..
and that shocks me...
I dress the way I like..
I have more animals then anyone I know approves of...
I am a tree hugging vegetarian
and convicted on some very quirky topics..
I think of myself as free spirited...
and yet,
its seems I have a need to be loved and accepted
that drives me at a deep level..
and has kept me at moments in situations
I know to be wrong
because I was afraid if I left
others would not approve!
WOW!
Ok, so now, I guess I have to figure out where to go with that!
And I guess counseling is the place to be!!!
We are raised in such a way that we all learn that love is conditional. We find it hard to find our way back to the idea that we are loveable simply because we are a divine slice of God and not because we did this or that thing right or wrong. Once I realised that I was unconditionally loveable and even more importantly that everyone else was too, I stopped placing requirements on myself and on them. I just started to feel more loving towards all of humanity. And I became more humble and more self loving at the same time..but it was self love not selfishness and there is a huge difference. It was then a smaller step to treat myself with respect. I comes down to treating ourselves as we would treat God, with great respect. All the world religions share one common belief, that we are created in the image of God. Now I cannot not love and respect me with that knowledge. Because I'm divine! And I can't not love and respect all of humanity, because all are as well. It's not about behaviour, it's about spirit!
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Thanks Breeze..having a strong faith I know that I am loved...and I know that My Lord loves me unconditionally! I LOVED what you said..treat yourself and others with the respect you would treat your Lord with! That puts it in understandable terms...We would not stand for someone disrespecting or hurting our father in heaven..HE would not want us to stand for it happening to us...as always, thank you for your words!
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