yesterday I blogged about my counseling session...
I was given homework
and it all had to do with respect!
I have been stumped..
as I do not believe I have low self esteem...
so how do I not respect myself?
and yet I am beginning to learn
that you can like yourself
and not respect your self..
and while I am still stumped
on the respect...
(the homework assignment is what can I do to begin showing respect to myself?)
or something along those lines..
I have had all these other 'light bulb' moments!
A big one
is the realization that I am afraid to make the wrong decision!
I am almost paralyzed
in my concern
that my choice will not be the right choice!
So, I take polls among friends and family..
I worry and waver...
and wait until the answer is impossible to argue with!
Certainly not on everything in my life...
but within my relationships , for sure....
Which leads to the second 'light bulb';
I do this because I want to please those around me..
and more importantly I want them to think well of me!
This was a sort of a shocker to me..
I know I am a 'people pleaser'
but I always thought of this as a 'giving' trait..
I don't want to upset anyone, ect,
I think its a fear of people not LIKING me..
and that shocks me...
I dress the way I like..
I have more animals then anyone I know approves of...
I am a tree hugging vegetarian
and convicted on some very quirky topics..
I think of myself as free spirited...
its seems I have a need to be loved and accepted
that drives me at a deep level..
and has kept me at moments in situations
I know to be wrong
because I was afraid if I left
others would not approve!
Ok, so now, I guess I have to figure out where to go with that!
And I guess counseling is the place to be!!!