Monday, September 28, 2009

therapy..friendship..and orange juice!

I guess the key is...
what do these three things have in common??
and the answer, of course,
is that they are all good for your heart!

I started counseling today..
a MUST in the journey to healing..
I have been to counselors before..
but ,I speak as if I know..
and I have lived like I know nothing...:)

The key is finding someone who hears
what I know
yet views my choices
and gets that I am trying to live LIKE I know...
But am not completely sure how to do that!

I know that I have been co-dependent..
I know that I have not always stood up for myself..
I know that I have lived in denial..
I know that I can be passive-aggresive
I know that I can wear rose colored glasses...
I know that I deserve a love that is true and real..
I also KNOW that I deserve better then I have received
from those I trusted with my heart......

BUT, how do you take what you know
and turn it into what you do?
How do I teach my girls to stand for who they are..
even if they risk loosing the one
they think they cannot live without?

and so... a new journey starts....
with someone who sees
and gets
that I did not respect myself enough
to take a stand against
what should not have been..
I do not yet understand what that means..
Respect seems like a looming word...
and a definition escapes me..
so maybe that is the place to start...
I think sometimes we feel we 'like' who we are,
and it is just starting to sink in..
that maybe liking someone is not the same
as respecting someone??
maybe I can like who I am without respecting myself????
so much to learn
so much to understand..
so much to be thankful and excited about....

I am excited about the process..
I know this is the next step..
there was surviving...there is continued healing...
and then there is moving on and beyond....
And thats where I am now..
I am moving on...
and I can't wait to get to the beyond!

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