Its not about a solution its about acceptance...

I think many times
when someone finds them selves
single-again
and it was NOT what they had planned for their lives..
When is it??
They want a solution!
a fix!
They want it to get better...
and deep down they want something to change!

I went looking for that change..
I was not passive..
I was sure and confident
that there was a SOLUTION...
This could not be the destination of my life!!
and as I have shared..
my solution was my down fall!

And so I now have come to understand...
the vital step
in moving forward,
is not looking for a change,
or waiting for the next stage in your life.
Instead its accepting,
the now!
The new place you are..
and the place you may always be!!
A single person! a single-again person!

facing all the things
that in the past you did as a 'couple'..
now movies, dinners, church, reunions,
you are doing those things alone!
And the thing is..
thats OK!
Not only is it OK...
its fun!
Its a time to rediscover who you are,
a time to heal and grow!
its also a time to hurt and mourn...
and then little by little to let go
of what was..
and embrace what is!
It does not happen overnight...
Nor, do I believe it will happen on its own..
BUT it will happen!!
And the time you put into YOU..
will pay off..
when YOU are healthy and WHOLE..
and YOU get to choose to move on alone..
or move on open to the idea of another!
BUT either way YOU choose!
and either way YOU are OK!

therapy..friendship..and orange juice!

I guess the key is...
what do these three things have in common??
and the answer, of course,
is that they are all good for your heart!

I started counseling today..
a MUST in the journey to healing..
I have been to counselors before..
but ,I speak as if I know..
and I have lived like I know nothing...:)

The key is finding someone who hears
what I know
yet views my choices
and gets that I am trying to live LIKE I know...
But am not completely sure how to do that!

I know that I have been co-dependent..
I know that I have not always stood up for myself..
I know that I have lived in denial..
I know that I can be passive-aggresive
I know that I can wear rose colored glasses...
I know that I deserve a love that is true and real..
I also KNOW that I deserve better then I have received
from those I trusted with my heart......

BUT, how do you take what you know
and turn it into what you do?
How do I teach my girls to stand for who they are..
even if they risk loosing the one
they think they cannot live without?

and so... a new journey starts....
with someone who sees
and gets
that I did not respect myself enough
to take a stand against
what should not have been..
I do not yet understand what that means..
Respect seems like a looming word...
and a definition escapes me..
so maybe that is the place to start...
I think sometimes we feel we 'like' who we are,
and it is just starting to sink in..
that maybe liking someone is not the same
as respecting someone??
maybe I can like who I am without respecting myself????
so much to learn
so much to understand..
so much to be thankful and excited about....

I am excited about the process..
I know this is the next step..
there was surviving...there is continued healing...
and then there is moving on and beyond....
And thats where I am now..
I am moving on...
and I can't wait to get to the beyond!